My name is Spencer, and I have spent A LOT of time in the dreaded “Friend zone” over the last 4 years. Just how much you ask? Over the last 4 years I have been Friend zoned by 13 different girls. No that wasn’t a typo, and no, you didn’t read it wrong. I’ve been Friend zoned 13 times over the last 4 years . Pretty much everybody in the world knows what the Friend Zone is, but for those of you who don’t know I’ll help you out a little bit. “In popular culture, friend zone refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person, most commonly a man, wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable or dreaded situation by the lovelorn person.” The term Friend zone itself came from the popular TV show Friends when Ross, who was lovesick for Rachel, was described by character Joey as being the “mayor of the friend zone”. MTV even had a TV show called Friend Zone, fortunately (or unfortunately), I never made an appearance on the show.
The point of this blog post isn’t to tell the 13 (highly entertaining and fairly embarrassing) stories about how I got Friend Zoned, no, the point of this blog is to tell you what I learned from those experiences. I think many of my close friends would in fact call me the “Mayor of the Friend Zone” as well. So without further ado, let me tell you the valuable lessons I’ve learned about women, relationships, and myself over the last 4 years.
1. The end of high school, and especially the summer before college, is not the time to make your move. You’ve already had 4 years to make your move. In many cases if those 4 years weren’t enough, three more months won’t really help the situation. Plus, everyone is getting ready to go off to college in different states and not many people want to enter a long distance relationship at that time.
2. The first 2 months, or even the first semester of college is a crazy time and you are meeting a lot of new people. Before coming to college I had been told by one of my friends (who I actually happened to friend zone 2 years before) that everyone comes into college looking to find a significant other. I can tell you this is totally true. In my opinion there are two potential outcomes in this situation. You either meet someone and stay with them until graduation (I know several couples in this boat) or take another route. The other option is to try to confess your newfound love to every girl you meet and get friend zoned (this was the approach I took, obviously).
3. Sorority girls stick together. I learned this one out real quick. Girls in sororities will always stick together, especially when it comes to guys. Of the 13 times I’ve been friend zoned, 8 of them have come from one sorority.
4. Even if you’re 1,000% sure she’ll say yes, there’s always a chance that she will not, and will friend zone you.
5. Girls will tell you that they like the dad bod, but they don’t. I fell victim to this trick last year. The dad bod hype was going full force and I figured, with a little work, I too could have an amazing dad bod (I even went so far as to buying a “dad bod” tank top”). Girls got so comfortable around me, and I got so comfortable with the dad bod, that they actually just started calling me dad. Trust me when I tell you that if anyone calls you dad, they see you as NOTHING more than a friend, or like actually a paternal figure in their life that they can come to with any issues.
6. Smirnoff Ice, Mikes Hard Lemonade, Reds Apple Ale, Twisted Tea, Lime-a-Rita’s, and Angry Orchards are the way to a girl’s heart, I mean friendship. They are also an excellent way to bankrupt yourself. When you have a never ending supply of sugary malt liquor drinks on hand people start seeing you as more of a bartender, and friend, than a romantic partner.
7. Not all relationships are meant to be. Looking back now, there is no way that I would have had a good relationship with several of the girls who friend zoned me. Of course at the time, I was heartbroken and wanted to know what was wrong with me. But as you get older and wiser you start to see that things do tend to happen for a reason, sometimes.
8. Every failed relationship (or successful friend zone) teaches you something about yourself. It’s important to take a step back after getting in the friend zone and figure out why you were put there. Some of the conversations I had were tough, but it’s important to stay positive and be open to change and criticism. It really is eye opening to find out what other people honestly think about you.
9.It’s actually not that bad to have girls who are just friends. There is no tension in those relationships. You can talk to them about other girls, or really anything for that matter. Some of my best friends are girls who friend zoned me 2 or 3 years ago. It is always nice to get another perspective in life and being friends with girls provides you with that opportunity. I can still remember my mom telling me this back in high school and I thought she was crazy. Looking back now I wish I would have followed her advice. Maybe if I did then I wouldn’t be “the mayor of the friend zone”.