Anonymous Missoula Stories: Can You Guess Who Said It?

Thought UM Confessions was over and done with? Slightly depressed about it?
Well have no fear, the unbelievably team is here to help you out!
Below is a compiled list of the best “anonymous stories” from Missoulian’s to help you get through the week!

Maybe the stories will make you LOL, cringe with embarrassment and even become speechless. 

You might even question whether you know the person who said it.

I’ll give you a hint… you probably do.

1.“Pooped my pants in the food zoo on the second day of freshman year. It is called the Food Poo for a reason, although I wish I would have coined that nickname.”

2. “I am a junior in college, and I peed my bed last year because I had a dream I was drowning.”

3. “I had a crush on the Stock’s bouncer…. And then I made out with him. He still wants to be friends.”

Stockman's Bar

4. “The bouncer at Stockman’s told me while plunging a toilet due to a cellphone, that they find about 3 cellphones a month in the toilets. C’mon ladies.”

5. “I go to Mo Club to find hot girls because the fluorescent lights lessen the chance of a beer goggle moment.”

6. “I sneak into the Double Tree Pool all the time during the summer, better beef up your security guys! However, compliments to the chef on the cookies.”

7. “Freshman year, a friend and I decided to relax with a nice hookah session. Too bad we almost burnt down Craig Hall in the process. Note to everyone, don’t put coals in the trashcans.”

8. “One time when walking out of the Recreation Center, my shorts got caught on the Griz card gate. Unfortunately, this caused my shorts to be lifted all the way up to my back, making it so my entire left butt cheek was out and about. I couldn’t get my shorts unstuck so I stood there stranded for a few minutes as everyone, including the receptionists, were staring at me.”

9. “I’m finding more and more that my likes on Facebook determine who I can choose from on Tinder. Thanks to Missoula I am now getting messages from bearded, outdoorsy, flannel-wearing men and I am all about that life.”


10. “One night while I was working at Reds, a woman in her 40’s came up to me and told me if she wasn’t in a marriage of 15 years she would take me home with her and her friend. I thanked her for the compliment and she said if she ever got a divorce I would be the first guy she would “bang the sh** out of.”

11.“I accidentally locked myself out of my room when I was in my towel in the dorms. My RA was MIA so I had to brave the elevator and go down 9 floors to find another RA to help. Low and behold, when I reached the lobby there was my RA at the front desk and some unexpected guests as well: Half the UM Football team.”

12.“On my 21st birthday, I took the Flaming Lamborghini shot at Feruqi’s and burned my eyelashes off.”

13.“Dan the Man streaking at the first football game of our freshman year. Probably the only time we made ESPN outside for something epic. Too bad he got expelled…. Ouch.”

UM Streaker

14.“This spring break I was on my flight home sitting next to two little girls (a 13 year old and an 8 year old). When the flight attendant came by and offered them their free meals since they were unaccompanied minors, she then proceeded to ask me what meal I wanted. I was about to tell her that I was not an unaccompanied minor but actually 20 years old and in college, but then a thought came to me… free food. I had no shame in asking for the kid’s meal and ate my cheese puffs with pride.”

15.“Once I lost my wallet and phone downtown and the guy that found it and gave it back to me left a note saying “Drinking until puking is not attractive.”

16.“I know the taco bell owner.”

Taco Bell

17.“I once told a girl downtown that I was a prestigious lawyer from Seattle, she said she was single so I continued buying her drinks throughout the night. Turns out I’m not a prestigious lawyer, and she wasn’t single. The next day she came to the golf course I work at with her boyfriend. All we could do was smile and laugh awkwardly about the white lies we had told the night before.”

18.“The only weekend I have ever puked from drinking was parent’s weekend when I was at a restaurant with my family. When I came back to the table my mom gave me a high-five. ”

19.“Flew home for Thanksgiving and got a drink on the plane. Out of habit I told the flight attendant to “keep the tab open”. She just stared at me for a second and seemed very unamused.”

20. “Went to an American themed party dressed as the American flag and ended up staying the night on a friends couch. The next morning my walk of shame got nicknamed the Stride of Pride.