6 Fictional Characters I would hire for my nonprofit

Wednesday Addams (The Addams Family)

Wednesday is a thoughtful tactician who applies creativity and rationality in everything she does professionally. She is able to analyze data quickly, gather compelling support materials, and write strategic proposals under tight deadlines. Wednesday has the ingenuity to expand her writing and research responsibilities as her expertise develops.

Position: Grant Writer

Best Qualities: Thirst for knowledge, sharp mental acuity, deadpan wit, persuasive communicator, exposes problematic societal norms with powerful monologues

Favorite Quote: “I’m not perky.”

Wednesday would have a low-profile, but influential role as grant writer who packs a lot of punch and isn’t afraid to prove her power.

Samwise Gamgee (The Lord of the Rings)

Dearest Sam, of course he makes the list. Could you ever hire a truer hero? He can face great foes with courage. Sam has well-developed people skills and can build robust social relationships. He is receptive to change and new ideas. He has a knack for engaging others within the work we support with enthusiasm and generosity.

Position: Executive Assistant

Best Qualities: Loyalty, dependable companion, repeatedly saves us all from disaster

Favorite Quote: “How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.”

Lastly, he would bring “a few good taters” to the team potluck.

Darth Vader (Star Wars)

Who doesn’t love an epic villain? Lord Vader would offer any nonprofit organization solid direction amid adversity. He is a fearsome leader who would always deliver the fundraising results that are expected of him. Vader is dedicated and strong-willed, with references stating he is consistently hard-working.

Position: Fundraising and Development Director

Best Qualities: Sales background, experience training fundraising staff and volunteer leaders, telepathy, the Dark Side/Force, provides rides on the Death Star

Favorite Quote: “Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.”

He would evaluate and plan fundraising campaigns that no prospective funder or donor would be safe from.

Clifford (Clifford the Big Red Dog)

Clifford is charming, selfless, and easily has insights to what speaks to people’s hearts. It is difficult to describe this quality on a resume, but Clifford easily relates to others’ emotions, helping minimize conflict. He would promote equity, diversity, and inclusion in all aspects of his work.

Position: Community Outreach Coordinator

Best Qualities: Unusual size, gentleness, loves unconditionally, grows referral sources, gathers wonderful client success stories and feedback

Favorite Quote: “Share your smile with the world. It is a symbol of friendship and peace.”

Clifford grew up to be the Big Red Dog because his owner, Emily, loved him so much. Now, he always wants to help people and makes new friends (and nonprofit partners!) wherever he goes.

Chef (South Park)

When interviewed, Chef was clearly full of passion and charisma. He has experience with all levels of government and wants to eliminate inequality by dismantling existing systems of discrimination. Chef would take on multiple responsibilities with competence and good cheer. He also has the ability to convey complex concepts clearly, both orally and in written format.

Position: Advocacy and Policy Director

Best Qualities: Cheerful, background in community legal aid, shares wisdom via soulful or jaunty singing, bakes delicious treats to share with colleagues

Favorite Quote: “Well then don’t buy into this fad, Kyle. Be who you are. Not what’s cool.”

Chef has the capacity for insightful communication and is inspired by the opportunity to take action for meaningful work, knowing that efforts contribute to something bigger than himself.

Mary Poppins (Mary Poppins)

Hiring some who is always polite and proper is no hardship. Mary Poppins is happiest when she can help someone learn something new. Mary Poppins is generous, compassionate, and sensible. She may come across as bossy, but only because she cares so deeply. Basically, she is practically perfect in every way.

Position: Educational Director

Best Qualities: Experience working with children, makes menial tasks more bearable through song, magical abilities (including umbrella transportation and speaking with animals)

Favorite Quote: “Anything can happen if you let it.”

Efficient as she is elegant, she would help plan amazing educational events and delight participants.

Which fictional character would you add to this list?

February 5, 2021

Top 5 ways that Libraries help during COVID!

Are you bored at home? Having a tough time finding activities for your kids? Or, do you need internet access to WFH or take online classes?

Here are the top 5 ways the Great Falls Public Library can help!

Watch these interactive Kids’ Place videos with your own kids, your grandkids, nieces or nephews, or even your best friends’ kids. This is a fun activity that you can do in person, or even on Zoom. There are several links to other fun online activities available on the Library’s website at greatfallslibrary.org/kids-place.

2. Sign up for a Library card if you haven’t already done so. It’s quick and easy!

3. Subscribe to the Wowbrary newsletter. This newsletter gives you the first pick at new books arriving at the Library each week. Watch your TBR pile grow without spending a dime! The Library also has a great selection of audiobooks and DVDs. After placing your holds, pick them up through the new drive-up window. You don’t even have to leave the comfort of your own car to visit the Library now!

4. Of course, you can still visit the Library IRL, just remember to wear a mask, and give other patrons some space. This is not too much of an issue for us bibliophiles. In fact, we are naturals at it. You can find the current Library hours here.

5. The Library also offers free access to the Internet. You can now check out a free hot spot from the Library and take it home with you. Or, if you prefer you may also visit the Library to use the Wi-Fi for free in a quiet space during business hours. Some folks have even parked outside the building to use the Wi-Fi from the safety of their cars, or when the Library is closed to patrons.

One more thing…

Maybe you are happy as can be tucked in at home in your comfy chair. You might have a cup of tea and your Corona puppy at your feet, or your Covid cat on your lap. New books are arriving every few days from your favorite online bookstore. Okay, maybe that’s just me. If you can relate, consider sending a donation to the Library Foundation. And, you don’t even need to leave your warm, comfy home to do so. Your gift will help support the children, elderly, and other vulnerable folks in the community by providing free books, free internet access, and many other resources.

This year the Library Foundation is fundraising to buy a new Bookmobile to deliver books around Great Falls and the surrounding communities, once it is safe to do so again. Students at Great Falls High created this great PSA to support the Bookmobile Campaign. They are so creative! Enjoy!

What are other ways that you have used the Library to help cope during the pandemic? Please feel free to share in the comments section below.

February 5, 2021

Unicorn Farts Might Be Funny, But Not As Funny As These Top 7 Fart Memes:

Okay, what have I learned as a mother and step-mother of all boys? Farts … it turns out…. are always funny. Not in the mood for farts? Too bad, because they are funny – ALWAYS.

Can you imagine if they found out the actual truth!?

2. I thought that was one of the main reasons to get a dog….that and cleaning up the kitchen floor and all of the pets!

3. Sometimes it is just easier not to say anything:

4. Probably didn’t think hard enough before speaking!!

5. Good ole corona virus – has even changed the way we cough and fart in public

6. Which could also be known as the ring of fire….

7. Ummmm, I will be right back!

And to close, there has to be an actual unicorn fart meme, because you can’t have the title talk about unicorn farts and not have a meme about them. That would just be rude.

February 4, 2021February 15, 2021

Five Can’t Miss Dinosaur Hot Spots in Montana

Carter County Museum – Ekalaka, MT

You’re unlikely to stumble into Ekalaka unless you are trying to get there and this museum makes it worth the trip! Surrounded by fossil-rich badlands, the museum displays a variety of specimens all found within 50 miles of the museum including a gorgeously mounted T.rex and the duck-billed dinosaur Anatotitan copei. The museum hosts an annual Dino Shindig in late July where you can meet top paleontologists in the field, learn all about the fossils, and even join a dino dig!

Duckbilled dinosaur skeleton — Duck-billed dinosaur Anatotitan copei

https://cartercountymuseum.org/

Museum of the Rockies – Bozeman, MT

Museum of the Rockies has one of the most impressive collections of Triceratops and T.rex skulls you will find on display anywhere. There is an impressive sampling of all the species of dinosaurs found in Montana including Tyrannosaurus Rex, Triceratops, “Big Al” the Allosaurus, hadrosaurs (duck-billed dinosaurs), ankylosaurs, Pachycephalosaurus, and Deinonychus, a North American cousin of Velociraptor.

https://museumoftherockies.org

The Montana Dinosaur Center – Bynum, MT

Teton County in Montana is the home of Egg Mountain, where the first dinosaur babies were discovered! The species was named Maiasaura or “good mother lizard” because of the groundbreaking discovery that the animals stayed with their young while in the nest. In the museum you can see a real-bone Maiasaura skeleton, the state fossil of Montana. Want to dig up dinosaur bones for yourself? The museum hosts half- and full day dig programs in the summer where you can try your hand at excavating dinosaur fossils in the field.

People digging fossils in Montana — Dinosaur Fossil Dig in Bynum Montana (from tmdinosaurcenter.org)

https://www.tmdinosaurcenter.org

Great Plains Dinosaur Museum – Malta, MT

Another important Montana fossil discovery can be found at the Great Plains Dinosaur Museum, home of Leonardo the dinosaur mummy! This is one of the best-preserved dinosaur specimens in the world and has fossilized skin covering 90% of its body. You read that right. Fossil. Dinosaur SKIN. You have to check it out!

https://greatplainsdinosaurs.org/

Makoshika State Park – Glendive, MT

Museums are great, but how about exploring the land where dinosaurs used to roam? Makoshika State Park is the largest state park in Montana and made up of Hell Creek Formation badlands, one of the best-producing areas for fossils from the end of the age of dinosaurs. In the park you can see the black coal layer that marks the K-Pg boundary showing the moment an asteroid hit the earth and ended the age of dinosaurs. Hike one of the many trails in the park and keep your eyes peeled for fossils on the ground and in the hillsides. Ten species of dinosaurs have been found in the park including Triceratops and T.rex. The park also has a visitor center with several displays showing specimens found in the park.

Photo of Butte in Makoshika State Park — Makoshika State Park

https://fwp.mt.gov/stateparks/makoshika/

Want even more dinosaurs in Montana?

All these locations are stops along the Montana Dinosaur Trail! Check out their site to see additional fossil locations and pick up a prehistoric passport to guide you through all the dinosaur hot spots in the state. You can collect stamps at each location and get a specially designed t-shirt if you complete the entire trail.

https://mtdinotrail.org

September 20, 2020

The Ideal Autumn Meal: Tamales With a Side of Grey Goo

Ah, it’s that time of the year. The leaves are turning red, the air is starting to cool, the sun is starting to set earlier. Autumn fast approaches, and with it, season specific food. Thats right, it’s tamale time!

Now, if your’e anything like me, then you love tamales. And who doesn’t love a variety of meats and spices wrapped in maze, covered in a corn husk and steamed to perfection? I know a lot about tamales, how to eat them, how to serve them, how to enjoy them, but not how to make them. Fortunately, I’m on the internet.

-10 hours later-

Alright, now I know more about tamales then I’ll ever need to know, and now I am going to make that YOUR problem. Earlier I said “if your’e anything like me, then you love tamales”, but don’t fool yourself. You are nothing like me. For you see, I really love tamales.

Between my tamale obsession and my laziness, I simply can’t make enough tamales by hand to keep me satisfied. So I think it’s time I get a helping hand. Or a lot of helping hands. Like, hundreds of tiny helping hands. And before you ask, I’m not talking about using child labor in a sweatshop next to my storage unit, I’m talking about nanobots! The sweatshop is unrelated, just forget I brought it up.

If you clicked on this thinking it would be a tutorial on how to make tamales, but after seeing that last paragraph are starting to second guess yourself, don’t worry, this is a tamale tutorial. But not your run of the mill tamale tutorial, no, I’m going to teach you how to make tamales like the Demiurge you were always meant to be.

Step 1: making the nanobots

Making nanobots is one of those fun activities you do in an afternoon, ideally with your father or son, depending on what roll you are. Go into the garage and pull out your Kirkland Signature matter fabricator. Program it to make a robot that will make a smaller robot that will make a smaller robot and have this continue until a small robot, approximately the size of a needle, produces a nanobot half the size of a blood cell. Now that that is done, we have just completed the toughest step.

Step 2: from 1 to 2 to goo!

Program that nanobot with 3 instructions. 1, make 4 copies of yourself using any non-tamale matter. 2, download the 3 preprogrammed instructions into the newly fabricated nanobots. 3, convert all non-nanobot matter into tamales. Now you just sit back, relax, and wait as those piles of corn and meat and whatever else magically assembles into tamales before your eyes.

Step 3: realize you made a mistake.

So… we forgot to program the nanobots not to turn ourselves into tamales. And I guess that ought to extend to our friends and family too. But not the neighbor’s dog. By this point, poor snuffles has already had his matter converted into tamale ingredients. Assuming that the nanobots are still on the tamales, lets just avoid eating that batch for now. Besides, we have more important things to do…

Step 4: get out of town!

Because you were so eager to consume delicious tamales, you set the duplication to 4, so we have very little time left. At this point, just go to NASA or SpaceX and steal yourself a rocket. That’s right, we’re leaving Earth. Assuming the nanobots won’t be able to leave Earth on their own, and we know we didn’t program them to be aware enough to realize the entire universe is made out of matter, we should be able to safely establish the first Mars tamale colony! You did follow the instructions, right?

Step 5: take one last look.

Step 6: enough looking, get on the rocket!

Step 7: lift off

By this point, you should be asking yourself, was it worth it? The answer is, yes. Of course it was worth it. But this is also your fault and you should be ashamed. I mean, look at what you did! This, this is Earth right now! This is all your fault. What were you thinking? What, that you would just look up an article online about making tamales, following along without first reading through the entire article? THERE WEREN’T EVEN INGREDIENTS LISTED!

Step 8: remorse

You forgot to grab cattle. Meat doesn’t grow in the ground, corn does. This is your fault, not mine. And you didn’t grab corn seeds. No, Mars dirt can’t be used to make tamales. You don’t even have water to steam your non-tamale dirt tamales. This is why we can’t have nice things, because of people like you.

I hope you found this tamale tutorial useful! Next week, throwing your cat in a nuclear reactor. Federal authorities call it a serious offense and a radiological hazard, but you kids will absolutely love having a glow-in-the-dark kitty cat!