Modern Dating Is Kind Of The Worst

Modern dating is kind of the worst. I’ve been catfished by someone I thought was a hot British journalist, been ghosted so hard I question these guys existed to begin with, and recently discovered that I’ve also been a victim of “breadcrumbing.” Don’t know what these terms mean? You’re one of the lucky ones.

Now I’ll be the first one to say that I’m at fault for getting myself into these situations. At one time I had three dating apps on my phone and I would rely on them for the majority of my interactions with the opposite sex. It’s easy. It’s fun. It’s addicting.

But what I’ve learned from my friends, and through stories from friends of friends is that we resort to these apps to connect because people simply don’t interact with each other in the same way anymore. We’re so used to hiding behind our screens that the simple act of going up to someone and introducing yourself in person is not only petrifying, it’s unthinkable.

If there’s one belief modern dating has instilled in me is that I am replaceable. You better be absolutely perfect because one wrong move and you’re out of here. You’re left swiped, ghosted, unmatched. You better not seem too interested because then you’re desperate, weird, even crazy. But if you seem too hard to get, he’ll get bored, honey. He can find someone to take your place with the swipe of a finger so you better not mess things up for yourself.

If I sound bitter, it’s because I am. We normalize the concept of spending time with someone, getting to know each other, giving the impression that we’re interested, and then vanishing without a trace. It’s rude and unfair, but the worst thing about it is I’ve done it right back. Last week I was walking to class when I simultaneously crossed paths with a guy I had ghosted and a guy who had ghosted me. It’s a weird and shitty thing to do, but we continue to do it because we’re scared.

When did we get so scared that ignoring someone until they get the hint has become the norm?

Listen, I’m not here to tell you that romance is dead. I strongly believe that it is alive and out there for those who seek it. Although dating apps have certainly twisted the concept of dating, they are not the issue. The issue is letting our own fear compromise the standard for how we treat others.

Modern dating is exhausting. It can be infuriating to keep up with the games and the new technology created to find your next boyfriend, next hookup or next person you text for a while only to end up constantly making awkward eye contact for the rest of your college career. But modern dating is still dating. It was weird and awkward and scary back in the “good ol’ days” and it’s weird and awkward and scary now. There’s just a few more pixels involved.

 

Written by Michelle Dufflocq Williams

Photography by Adrian Sava

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Missoula Fun On A Budget

Free Local Concerts

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Top Hat Lounge is a great local venue. Through the upcoming months they offer many free shows including,

Friday, November 4th, 2016

Family Friendly Friday at the Top Hat Lounge in Missoula Montana

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mon, Nov 07, 2016

Wed, Nov 09, 2016

Sharin’ in the Groove

Sharin' In The Groove Phish Happy Hour at the Top Hat

Fri, Nov 25, 2016

Andrea Harsell & Luna Roja

 Missoula’s Best Drink Specials

Iron Horse Bar and Grill

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Martini Mondays: 5pm-Close
Any of Our Martinis $5

Shaken Tuesdays: 5pm-Close
Everything on the shaken and stirred list  $5

Wednesday: 7pm-Close
Blue Moon $3.50 and Skip & Go Naked $5​ 

Thursday: 9pm-Midnight​Two for One Well Drinks $3.50 

 

Thomas Meagher Bar

 

Pie Hole

Missoula’s new downtown pizza shop that gives you a bang for your buck! For all you late night munchers, Pie Hole is throwin’ dough Er’day from 11AM-3AM!

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The Roxy Theater

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For any movie lover that doesn’t want to pay the astonishing 12 dollars, The Roxy is a theater like non other. As you walk in THE ROXY has the Missoula vibe painted on its walls. I highly suggest anyone looking for cheap theatrical entertainment hit up the Roxy…. By the way they serve booze there too!

Hub Family Entertainment Center

The Hub Family Entertainment Center has 50,000 square feet of fun and excitement for the whole family.  The Hub is a perfect place to have birthday parties, team parties, corporate events including team building, graduation parties, day camp parties, and youth group events. GO KARTS, LAZER TAG, ARCADE, FOOD… Hell Yeah!  

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Image result for the hub missoula

Image result for the hub missoula

 

Be the One Everyone Wants to Meet

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By: Lia Sbisa

It’s no secret the power and benefits that networking has to offer. We’ve been told time and time again…or not, that creating a network of influential and successful people is crucial to one’s success. At a networking event, or just in a venue full of people, we all want to have that golden conversation with the biggest name in the room. It’s only natural to feel that the more people that know them, the more people they know. Your network does not stop with that one person, it extends to all of their networks as well.

As young adults making our way into the working world, and even those already well established in the workforce, it is important to make ourselves noticed and be the differentiator that radiates uniqueness. Be the person that everyone wants to network with at an event or even just at a casual get together.

 

  • Get Involved

 

Whether you’re seasoned in your extracurriculars or just starting out, being a part of something other than work or school is a great way to a) network and b) have something to bring to the table in an introductory conversation. The more you do, the more you will relate to a broader audience (not saying overload yourself).

 

  • You do not have to hold the highest or coolest position.

 

The status you hold within a company may help your networking reputation, but it does not solely dictate how marketable your other attributes may be. Just as we learn from those top notch professionals, they learn from us. Any influential being is on the lookout for more up and coming influential beings.

 

  • Take time to learn about your own experiences and learn to talk about them.

 

If you’re a college student or newly entering the workforce, become an expert on your experiences (internships, jobs, campus news, extracurriculars). Networking with older professionals can be intimidating, but much less tricky if you can relate to an experience even on the most minimum level. If you are more established in the workforce, know a little bit about a lot of things. Nothing is more attractive than being able to hold a thoughtful conversation over something that excites your audience, even if it may not be your cup of tea. This goes for anyone and everyone: READ THE NEWS. However you choose to keep up on current events, just do it, or start doing it if you do not. It is okay to admit that you do not know much about a topic, you become more interesting when you’re interested.

 

  • Be interested in who you’re talking to.

 

As previously stated, you become more interesting when you’re interested. Just a rule of thumb (whether you want to admit it or not), everyone loves to talk about themselves. Be able to relate to a few key topics during a conversation (talk about a travel destination that you have in common, ask about the company they work for and how they got to their position). People like you more when they think you like them just as much if not more.

 

  • Initiate a relationship that grows beyond your initial introduction.

 

Do not let the relationship end with the end of a conversation. If the conversation allows, briefly share your goals for your near future and give a rough timeline of where you’ll be in the next few months and express your interest in keeping in touch. Find common ground and set up a time to check in if you have established a relationship that will last longer than just one conversation. Grab a business card and follow up the conversation with an e-mail reminding whoever it is that you enjoyed their time and throw in your favorite topic from that conversation. 

Believe that you are worth meeting. Be interested. Involve yourself in things that you enjoy. Make people believe you’re worth meeting.

5 Reasons Why You Don’t Have Abs and How to Get Them


5 Reasons You Don’t Have Abs

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1: You’re too fat. burn-fat-q_rotator

Problem

Your abs are never going to show if you have too much fat covering them. Start by reading my blog 5 ridiculously easy diet strategies for fat loss. Basically, abs are made in the kitchen. No amount of cardio, crunches, or creatine will give you abs if your diet is shit. Get your diet under control and you will finally see the cuts you’ve been wanting.

5 Ridiculously Easy Strategies for Cutting Body Fat

2: You’re terribly inconsistent.images 

Problem 

Change is hard. That’s true for everything you do. What is the hardest part about change? Sticking to the new change. Whether thats your new workout regimen or your diet consistency is key. You can’t expect to crash diet or hit the gym hard for 3 weeks and look like the next cover of Muscular Development. These people look the way they look because of YEARS in the gym and YEARS doing everything right in the kitchen.

Solution

So, with that said find a workout program that you can reasonable accomplish, and a diet strategy that makes sense of your lifestyle and stick to it. Don’t change for 6, 12, or even 18 weeks. After then, reevaluate. You don’t have to pick the hardest 7 day a week, macro controlled strategy. Even 3 days a week consistently with consistently good eating will show changes. The biggest thing here is just look yourself in the mirror and be realistic. Set SMART goals. Specific, measurable, attainable, realist, and time orientated.

3: You’re doing ‘abs’ too muchunknown

Problem

I have multiple gripes with this one. First off i’m not saying that training the core is bad by any means. It is in fact absolutely necessary. But not amount of extra core work will ever get you abs. In fact, most core work is relatively low intensity and will not burn too many extra calories. Another thing to think about is when you train the musculature with resistance the muscle will grow. Now, for men this isn’t necessarily a bad thing but no women wants a thick mid section even if its full of muscle.

Solution

Instead of trying to pump your abs up like Arnold everyday try thinking about having STRONG abs. A few good exercises are the turkish get up and the kettle bell wind mill. Try doing these in sets of 3-5 reps and get strong. Then spend the rest of your workout doing some HIIT conditioning. I provide some examples below.

4: Your conditioning sucks3c51bb38-2181-48ed-a17d-d4c3099cfd9e-jpg-_cb320658952__sl300__

Problem

Some people like to finish off their workouts with a little extra ab work or some time on the treadmill. I applaud the effort but, this isn’t getting you anywhere fast. Instead, try some HIIT conditioning. I recommend no more than 15 min total work time at the end of strength training days and no more than 30 min total work time on conditioning only days. You can follow this up with some low intensity work on a bike, treadmill, elliptical, etc for a little extra burn if you’d like. Again, the goal here is to get rid of fat so you can show off the muscle you’ve worked so hard for.

A few things to try

Strength day finishers:

Airdyne bike ladder:

Maintain your rpm’s (Beginner 80+ rpm, Intermediate 85+, Advanced 90+, Maniac 100+)

You’re going to want to watch the timer and follow this time pattern:

Work:Rest

15:15

30:30

45:45

60:60

45:45

30:30

15:15

Conditioning Day work sample:

Try and EMOM (Every Minute on the Minute). You start your first set when the clock is at 0. You will end somewhere around 30-35 seconds (hopefully) then take the rest of that minute to rest. Then start on the next full min (1:00) perform the next set, so on and so forth for prescribed time.

25 min EMOM:

5x:

15 Burpee

70 Yard trap bar farmers walk

20 KB Swing

20 Push ups (If push ups aren’t your thing, try substituting mountain climbers for sets of 60)

12 KB Goblet Squats

EMOM’s are a great way to get your heart rate up and get a little extra strength work in at the same time. This will have you reaping the benefits of your workout for a lot longer than the 25 min work time.

If you’re unfamiliar with any of the movements, Youtube is your friend.

5: You’re not lifting heavy enough, often enough.

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No better way to get the fat burning fire started and keep it going all day than with some heavy compounds. Exercises like the squat, bench press, deadlift, and standing barbell overhead press tax the system like no other. Not only do you burn calories while doing theses exercises but the load is so sufficient on your system that it will take your body days to recover. This means the majority of calories in are put towards recovering the body. Not many unused calories to sit around and sore up as fat.

Lifting heavy will allow you to retain muscle mass while you’re getting cut up. More muscle = a higher metabolic rate. What does this mean? You burn more calories while essentially doing nothing. When you lift heavy you are telling your body, I  NEED this muscle and in return your body will retain it. Remember, you need muscle in order to see muscle. Nothing will piss a guy off quicker than having worked his ass off for 6 months to get those golden abs and realize he has no delts, traps, biceps, or quads.

If you can manage 3 strength days/week try this for your heavy stuff:

Monday: Squat 6×4

Wednesday: Bench Press: 5×5

Friday: Deadlift 6×3, OHP 5×5

Follow these exercises up with some assistance work around the same muscle groups.