My Seven Awful Tinder Dates

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  By Rachael Fuson

Nope

The modern world of dating is a god damn war zone. It’s hard enough to meet a decent person in real life, but trying to meet someone online is a whole different realm of chaos. For those of you that don’t know, Tinder is a mobile dating app that allows losers like myself to “swipe” yes or no on other, equally as pathetic people. If we both swipe right, it’s a “match” and the floodgates of communication open. Basically, this app allows you to waste your time sifting through profiles, hoping to stumble across someone who seems relatively normal and is half way decent looking.

When I moved to Portland this summer, I thought Tinder would be a great way to put myself out there. I had just gotten out of a relationship and it seemed like a fun, easy way to meet new people. Boy, did I have no idea what I was in for. Of course I always took the proper precautions when I went out (talking with them extensively beforehand, meeting first in public, etc.). but nothing could have prepared me this. After much thought and deliberation, I give you seven very real accounts of the worst dates I’ve ever been on, no thanks to Tinder.

#7. The Guy Who Was Actually Nineteen

In my defense, he definitely seemed to be a few years older. He was smooth, mature, intelligent, and seemed to have a lot going for him. That is… until he started talking about his football team. I asked him if he played for a college, and he got red in the face and quickly changed the subject. It was only after a few minutes of prying that he finally blurted out that he was  a senior. In high school. As I got up to leave he tried to justify that he “only told me he was 22 because he thought I would never go out with someone who was younger on my own accord.” You were correct, sir.

highschool

 

#6. The Guy Who Was 2 Hood 4 Me 

When I was greeted with, “Aye! Wass good lil mama!?” I immediately realized that I’d made a grave mistake. I smiled back and weakly replied that I was fine, thank you. We had met up for ice cream at Salt N Straw on NW 23rd Ave in Portland, and there was a long line. The next forty-five minutes were agonizing as the sun beat down on my forehead and I internally cringed at almost everything he did and said. His poor grammar, the lack of manners, the fact that there were small children scattered all around and he cursed every other word. As we moved further up the line, he told me about his life growing up in the projects (his language, not mine) and how he aspired to “make enough dollas to neva eva go back.” I, too, aspire to neva eva go back.

gangstas

 

#5. The Guy Who Photoshopped His Profile Pictures

I should have really looked into this one more before I agreed to meeting up. First of all, his name was Leonardo, so that’s problem number one. Second, he talked about his looks a lot (like, a lot) which should have been a red flag that there was something wrong.  He told me all about how tall he was, and how much he weighed, etc. but I thought nothing of it, because they seemed to be normal measurements and I am not too concerned with that in the first place. What I am concerned with is when someone extensively photo shops their own pictures in order to make themselves look taller and not morbidly obese. Well guess what. Leo was approximately 5’6” and at LEAST 200 lbs. He even wore those god awful tight skater pants that exposed just how out of shape he was. I was really irritated that he had lied about this, but then felt bad and thought maybe he could be a nice guy who just really needed a date. Nope. His personality was just as awful as his photo edits. I’m not proud of the fact that I sat through four beers with Leonardo because he was buying, or that I agreed to go to a future Trailblazers game that I knew I’d never attend, but hey. At least I was honest about who I was.

photoshop

 

#4. The Guy Who Only Talked About Work

First of all, I have to say that I truly appreciate when people are passionate about what they do. As a graduating senior this may, I hope to find a job that I love and want to share with others. But I could never live my work like this guy does. Now, I thought we would get along great because we were both Greeks and both business students. I am studying marketing, he went into sales. I don’t even remember what the hell it was that he sold, although I should remember. I should actually be an expert. Why? Because he spent the better part of two hours explaining the logistics of the technology behind it. And that is what we talked about. The entire time. He then begged me to come out with him for a night of dancing, and I should have stopped while I was ahead. But he was cute, and I thought maybe I could save the date. So while we were out, he got a phone call from one of his “best clients”, aka some rich old man who frequently bought speakers for his fleet of Malibu boats. My date then hung up the phone and exclaimed, “I’m so glad you’re dressed up! Steve is coming out with us tonight! I need you to impress him!” Um, what? The rest of my evening was spent with my date and a sixty something year old man getting black out drunk downtown and talking about boats accompanied by a slew of weird comments about my dress. I called an Uber home and never looked back.

salesguy

 

#3.The Guy Who Only Talked About His Mom 

Again, I think it’s great when a man is family-oriented. It tends to be attractive when a guy has a great relationship with his mother. But everything is only good in moderation. It is difficult to explain the insanely creepy obsession this guy had with his mom. To say she was his best friend would be a gross understatement. They got coffee together multiple times a week. She came over to his house to cook for him, do his laundry, bring his groceries etc. (by the way, how dependent CAN YOU STILL BE at 24 years old?). In short, he spent our entire date gushing about how wonderful his mother was. And when he asked me things about myself, he’d say things like “oh! My mom does that too! You have so much in common.” Please, no. It was such a bizarre experience. Like, I get it. I love my mom too. But you need to make some other friends. By the end of the date I felt like I knew his mother way more than I knew him. Oh and by the way she didn’t even sound that great. But I didn’t have the heart to tell him that.

guy with mom

 

#2. The Bastard Who Stole My Favorite Book

Oh, Michael. I really thought we had something special. We had such a grand time gallivanting through parks, exploring old dive bars and bonding over the fact that we both know an absurd amount about Greek Mythology. Yes, Michael was excellent. Until one weekend when he had to travel to California for work. I suggested he borrow my favorite book, The Alchemist, because I thought he would enjoy it on his flight. Well, I drove him to the airport and waved goodbye. And that was the last time I saw Michael. Weeks went by and I became incredibly offended. Not because I was distraught over his absence but because I wanted my god damn book back. It’s about self-discovery for crying out loud. Anyways, I never heard from him again, but a few weeks later connected that his ex-girlfriend lives in the part of California he was visiting. My theory is that she was so overwhelmed with his new view of life (that he clearly derived from MY book) that she took his lame ass back.

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By the way, if you haven’t read much Paulo Coelho, 10/10 would recommend.

#1. The Guy With The Sith Lord Tattoo

There are some very strange people in this world, my friends. And the terrifying thing is that more often than not, they disguise themselves as cute quirky nerds and then lay wait for you in places like Powell’s Bookstore. I’m not usually into the sci-fi scene, but this guy was a very rare breed of cat and somehow made it all work. We hit it off surprisingly well, and spent the whole afternoon together walking around downtown and chatting. During this conversation we somehow got on the subject of our mutual love of Star Wars (by somehow I mean I guessed that he liked it and I slyly brought it up because my flirt game is just that strong) and we delved into a long discussion over the classics. During this time he made an offhanded joke about how he was a Sith Lord, which I thought nothing of at the time. He added me on snapchat a few minutes after we left, which I thought was a bit over eager but nothing that strange. Then I saw his username. Sithlord199-. Then he sent me a snapchat: “want to see my tattoo?” This was strange, since it was completely out of the blue and we had just got done hanging out less than an hour ago. I should have said no. I should have just said no. IF ANYONE EVER ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEIR TATTOO, JUST SAY NO.

So I said sure, and the picture I received is still burned into my frontal cortex to this day.

Image a giant tattoo that covers someones entire chest and stomach.

Now imagine the tattoo is of Darth Mauls face.

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I’m not kidding. It covered his entire body. The worst part is that he then went on to explain to me just how much he personally identified as a Sith Lord. As in, he psychotically associated himself with the dark ways of the force and was completely freaking nuts. He proceeded to go 0-100 and let out all the crazy, all at once. I think the reason it was so traumatizing was because we had just spent an entire day together and he had totally hidden this side of him. Needless to say, this was not exactly what I had in mind when I hoped to meet someone who shared my love of Star Wars. To this day I still don’t understand why he felt the need to share his terrifying chest tattoo with me, because it was something straight out of the nightmare zone. In fact, after I blocked his phone number I kind of just went home and crawled underneath my covers.

Although I’ve been on some of the worst dates of my life because of Tinder, I’ve also met some great guys. I certainly have a love/hate relationship with this app, and let’s be honest I’m probably going to continue using it. In fact, I actually have a date set up for later this week. Let’s call him The Guy Who Might Be As Sassy As I Am.

Details to come soon! In the mean time, happy swiping!

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If you’ve had a funny dating experience, from Tinder or just in general, please leave a comment below and tell me about it!

 

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Top 5 Things You Miss About Home

College is great, don’t get me wrong, you have freedom to do as you please but you take for granted the little things from home. As a senior in college there are definitely a bunch of things that I miss about being home and you really learn to appreciate all the things your parents did for you!

5. Your Pets

pugYour dog is just something you can’t take with you to school. Sometimes you might miss your pet more than some family members (shhh.) It’s like leaving your best friend behind and you’re not able to talk to them at all! Your mom lets you “facetime” the dog, but come on, that dog has no idea what’s going on.

4. LAUNDRY

laundry

I absolutely despise doing laundry. I’ll put it off for as long as humanly possible and there are clothes all over my floor. Being home your parents will just throw it in for you and you have no worries about it. (side note: laundry detergent isn’t free and we have much more important things to buy!)

 

3. Home Cooked Meals

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Being someone who, frankly, sucks at cooking, one of the biggest things you miss is mom’s cooking and dad’s barbecuing. After a while you just get tired of ramen noodles and Taco Bell (crazy concept right?) and you just want a substantial meal. Not to mention, mom isn’t going to make you pay her for the meal, thanks mom!

 

2. Your High School Friends

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Chances are, if you don’t go to school with a bunch of your high school friends you’re going to drift apart. Everyone gets busy with either school or starting their careers and everyone seems to go different ways. You reminisce about fun and crazy times you had with the people you grew up with!

 

  1. Your Family

family

No matter how old you are you always miss your mom and dad when you leave home! It doesn’t get easier leaving and you’re always counting the days til the next time you get to see them. They’re your main supporters and have helped you throughout your whole life so it’s scary when you get out into the world by yourself! You might not admit it, but you even miss your annoying siblings! Leaving home really makes you appreciate the time spent with your family, so to my family: thank you for everything!

 

Post by Shane Monsen, Senior at the University of Montana.

How to travel the air with comfort and style

Have you ever wondered while being on board of the plane how to make it more comfortable for you? Or maybe after the flight?
Thanksgiving break and Christmas holidays are quickly approaching and a lot of people will travel somewhere, probably home, on a trip, visit families and friends. As somebody who have traveled and flew quite a lot across the Europe and US and also overseas from Europe to US and Africa for several times I feel I am at least a little competent to talk about “how to” now. Although I don’t feel like I know everything and I think nobody does. There is still a lot of things I can learn and observe about flying. But experiences and mistakes teach us the most. And thanks to them we can find a lot of hacks for our own good, comfort and wellbeing. Some of them are very small things but especially on long flights or when there is a delay on your flight they can save you a lot of stress, money and time. As I learned a lot during that hours on plane or at the airport when I was cold, thirsty, hungry or bored, felt dried and my skin looked grayish I will share some hacks, observations and experiences with you so that you can think about it and enjoy your next flight in comfort and style. So sit back, relax and enjoy this article.

You can see spectacular things from the air
You can see spectacular things from the air

1. Stay hydrated!
It is more then essential to stay hydrated and it’s not always easy on board. My biggest hacks here? Thermal water in spray and empty bottle for water. It is essential to stay hydrated and it’s not very easy in an on board air and aircondition. Do you sometimes feel on a flight like your face is made of rubber? This is why, the air is very dry there. And this is what thermal water in spray will help you with. It’s very refreshing and it keeps your face “watered”. Also having an empty bottle for water, nobody will tell you anything and you can fill it almost everywhere. Remember you can always ask for a water on board anytime during the flight (probably not during takeoff and landing though) they don’t wanna faint you either. Also having a hydrating cream for face and hands is handy.

Make sure it is not over 50 ml / 1.76 OZ. This one is from Avene,but you can also buy Vichy, LaRoche or not branded one.
Make sure it is not over 50 ml / 1.76 OZ. This one is from Avene,but you can also buy Vichy, LaRoche or not branded one.

2. Don’t smell
Nobody wants to find out having a neighbour on a flight by bad smell. You know what I mean,some people sweat,some people sweat more and some people just smell a lot. Now,you can’t have big bottles, sprays or perfumes in your carry-on, so how to prevent from smell? Get small deodorant, either solid or spray. They have them in Target,Walgreens, everywhere for around $3. Also they fit everywhere, even a purse. If you really sweat a lot than having a spear t-shirt could help. Don’t wanna give up on your favorite perfume? Some brands have small perfume roll-on versions,if not buy perfume atomizer. Small thing you can fill up right from your perfume bottle,they have them in perfumeries or order online.

You can easily fill it with your favorite perfume and have it always by your side.
You can easily fill it with your favorite perfume and have it always by your side.

3. Freshness all over you
Maybe this applies just to women, but it’s important and nobody talks about it. Wet feminine wipes and maybe spare undergarment are life savers on long flights. When you fly from Europe to US and contrary you fly from 10 to 20 hours plus transfers. It is even worse on longer flights. You usually change your underwear at least once during 24 hours, right? This is the same time. Plus airport is usually not your final destination, you go to the hotel or straight downtown. Just think about it in advance…
4. Bacteria challenge
Do you know where on the plane is the biggest bacteria coverage? In recent article Business Insider revealed that places with biggest bacteria exposure are food trays, magazines and safety information in your seat pocket and WC handle aboard. It is very useful to have a small antibacterial gel or an antibacterial tissues on hand. Especially right before meal.
5. Cozy and warm
For staying cozy and warm have your own pillow, blanket or scarf and maybe pair of fluffy socks. You don’t wanna use airline’s pillow and blanket, because if you’re not first class they’re usually not very snug and clean. You can have inflatable pillow if you don’t wanna carry it around. For scarf you can easily style it with your outfit. And fluffy socks? Maybe also more feminine issue? They are great when you wanna take down your shoes, they will warm you and you can also walk in them around the plane, nobody cares there, plus it’s dark-ish there too.

Can serve as a scarf and a little blanket, 2 in 1.
Can serve as a scarf and a little blanket, 2 in 1.

6. Move it!
Don’t sit for over four hours. Sometimes you’re watching a movie or sleeping and really forget about time, but you should set an alarm and walk a bit, stretch and move your legs. It is not healthy for your muscles nor your veins to sit and not move too long. Doctors usually advise to set the alarm for every two hours. You’d also feel very stiff and even more tired after landing.
7. Entertain yourself
Especially on long flights it is very easy to get bored. You probably know that there is a free entertainment center or system provided by arline, you can even use Wi-Fi on board on most of the flights (pretty expensive one though). Any hacks here? Miss out some of your favorite show’s new episodes and catch on them on flight. Always have your earphones, it’s more hygienic to use them the one providing by airline and you don’t have to listen to every noise around. Don’t rely on the entertainment center and have your own book, iPod or whatever, it pays off when you find out there is nothing interesting on, it’s broken or you’ll eventually get bored of the center.

Find the perfect headphones for you and take them with you. Always.
Find the perfect headphones for you and take them with you. Always.

8. Where you going?
It is essential to think about your final destination. Especially about the weather and time difference. You can plan and layer your outfit according to it. Also you can try to plan your sleep a few days before your trip according to time difference and slightly adapt yourself to local time in advance.

You travel,you move from one place to another, think about your final destination.
You travel,you move from one place to another, think about your final destination.

Also don’t forget your camera, tablet with it or phone to capture the beautiful views from the plane.

Beautiful sunset somewhere over Utah
Beautiful sunset somewhere over Utah

Now, if you have any additional hacks or experiences feel free to write them in comments. They are appreciated. That’s the only way we can learn from each other and have more pleasant flights in the future. This is our final destination today, thank you for keeping with us.

The author is a university student from Czech Republic, currently on an exchange program at the University of Montana, USA. She likes traveling, exploring new places, skiing and going to the movies.

The Forgotten Middle Child – 90’s Kids and Why We Aren’t Millennials

 

We all know the story. Some of us have even lived it. Forgotten, overshadowed, and pushed aside. Being the middle child was the worst. The oldest sibling received all the accolades and rewards, the youngest received all the attention. And there we were, waving our hands in the air trying to say, “Hey! I’m right here and I’m not like them!” And here we are, still waving our hands, still trying to push our way past the shoulders of our surrounding siblings. A little older, a little wiser, but still just as frustrated. Being a 90’s kid is tough.

 

 

Damn Millennials.” Many times have these words been uttered through the lips of baby boomers and Gen X’s. “All they care about is social media! They don’t know how to work hard!” We hear it. And we take it. But it’s a load of bulls**t. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back. The definition of a Millennial is someone who was born between around 1980 and around the early 2000’s. While the characteristics of a Millennial can vary depending on the source, the gist is relatively the same. Lazy, narcissistic, coddled, materialistic, disengaged. Positive isn’t it? However in reality, the term “Millennial” isn’t as generalizable as many make it out to be.

People born in the 1980’s are currently aged anywhere between 26 and 35 years old. Having been in the working world for around four or five years, this decade of people are usually seen as responsible employees and entrepreneurs, creating a name for themselves and making short work of corporate ladders all around the world (sounds like the eldest sibling doesn’t it?). Racking up accomplishments and higher salaries, they’re already integrated with Gen X and often aren’t thought of when someone mentions Millennials. People born in the latter half of the term “Millennial” are currently in the height of their teenage years, and because of their youth, are usually grouped in with the rest of the post-century birth crowd. This is where the stereotypes of being a Millennial stem from. But I’ll come back to that later. Right smack in the middle, as always, are 90s kids. Currently aged 16 to 25, we are forced to be grouped into this almost derogatory term, “Millennial”. However we couldn’t be more different than our two surrounding siblings.

I was born in 1994. A great year if I allow myself to say so. Nelson Mandela, Netscape, Rwanda massacre, World Trade Center Bombing…Kurt Cobain…O.J. Simpson… Okay so maybe it wasn’t that great of a year. My point though is that all this happened in one year. Look at what 90’s kids have been through over the course of their short lives: Y2K, 9/11, the dot com boom and bust, the Gulf War, the War in Afghanistan, and the War in Iraq, Apple’s rise to power, the Great Recession, the first black president, the legalization of gay marriage. And those are just a few off the top of my head. We’ve been left to solve the energy crisis and are the last generation that can reduce climate change and global warming before it’s too late. The world has changed immensely in the past 25 years. It’s led to one of the greatest qualities that 90’s kids possess. Nostalgia. And a whole lot of it. We grew up in a time that was almost entirely analog and the biggest fear was Y2K instead of war and the economy. We came of age in a time of great turmoil both domestic and abroad. We became adults in an entirely digital age and a slowly recovering economy. We are incredibly young, and yet possess the nostalgia of an old man.

We yearn for the simpler times, when the TV was turned on only after finishing family dinners and calling our friend’s home phone was the only way to reach them (other than AIM). And now I’m currently sitting in front of two computer screens as my phone sits within an arm’s reach dinging with updates of text messages, emails, and social media updates (perhaps this nostalgia is why hipsters came about). This dichotomy in ways of life leaves us 90’s kids wishing we were kids again. And that age was only 15 years ago! This isn’t a bad thing though. Growing up through all of this change has allowed us to adapt to all of the new tech and be very proficient with it. But we also see the value in writing a handwritten note to an employer after a job interview and enjoy relaxing with a good book. In a way, we are the most tech savvy analog people out there. Yes, I know what a tape deck is and watched VHS movies. I also owned a CD player. 90’s kids learned on Gateway computers but can do programming on any Mac book or PC no problem. I could go on and on but my point is that in our eyes, technology doesn’t seem to be advancing that fast. See, we grew up at the same time Apple did. At the same rate Google and Microsoft did. The pace of new technological advancements is about as routine as our birthday coming around every year. And it’s allowed us to be a pretty rare breed. Yes, we are different. But don’t you dare tell me I’m a Millennial.

As I mentioned before, I believe the term Millennial comes from the stereotypes derived from the post-turn of the century kids. All these kids know is digital. This group of kids was seven years old when the first iPhone came out. Is it their fault? Not to me it isn’t. It’s the result of being thrust into a rapidly advancing, tech dependent world and having a cell phone in their hands since 1st grade (that’s not an exaggeration, see the link at the bottom**). Look, our society is convenience oriented. Everything is about what makes things easier and faster. Is it any surprise that it has rubbed off on the very kids that are in their peak of susceptibility? Call it lazy if you want, I call it the effects of their environment. And everything is faster and easier. My cell phone (or mini-computer, however you look at it) has the capability to do anything I want and more. It houses the ability to connect with anyone I know in about 30 different ways. It’s no wonder these kids live and breathe social media. When everyone is connected to everyone else at all times, it’s easy to want to keep attention on yourself (after all, they are the youngest sibling; attention is everything). Has it implanted an entitled “me, me, me” loop track in these kids heads? Gen X seems to think so. And I’m inclined to agree. This is what is scaring employers and causing feelings of regurgitation every time they encounter a so called Millennial.

Sure, call me bitter. I think all of us 90s kids are. We are sick of being grouped into all these Millennials stereotypes. But it is not us. I suppose it’s our fault we’re included in this. We’ve had our heads down, working hard to build a name for ourselves. Haven’t heard of us? Well you’re about to. We are the kids from the 90’s. And we’re about to step out from behind our siblings and shake up the world.

*This article expresses the opinions of a possibly bias student born in the 90’s.

** http://abc7chicago.com/technology/study-53%-of-kids-get-a-cell-phone-at-age-6/637197/

Written by Devon Dietrich, senior at the University of Montana majoring in Marketing, Management, and Psychology.

Sources:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-millennials-are-coming/

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/03/here-is-when-each-generation-begins-and-ends-according-to-facts/359589/

https://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&q=90s+collage&imgrc=pxdfMx4kof5G_M%3A&ei=ZC4wVu3EDIiojwO0wr7oDw&emsg=NCSR&noj=1#emsg=NCSR&imgrc=pxdfMx4kof5G_M%3A

http://theodysseyonline.com/ole-miss/middle-child-syndrome-it-is-real/93262

http://www.partyfeverltd.co.uk/party-supplies/birthday-party-themes/60s-70s-disco-80s-party.html

Social Media and the Internet: A Retrospective