What Losing Friends Has Taught Me

By Gianna Pagano

My Sophomore year of college I met a girl and we instantly connected on so many levels. From that moment forward we became best friends and we were practically inseparable. We did everything together, and I literally mean everything. She was the person that I looked up to for advice on family, friendships, boyfriends, and even academics. Not only was she nice, but she was smart, loyal, spontaneous, hilarious, and most important, she always supported me whenever I needed her.

As we get older and mature into who we decide to become, we often grow out of friendships or lose touch with them. A lot of the times these falling outs can be completely unintentional. Whether we get busy with school, work, family, new relationships, or we simply just change, the truth is that this is just the reality of life. 

I’m sure many of you have experienced something similar, and you can relate that it isn’t easy. There was never an argument or a huge fight that ended our friendship, we simply had a falling out. The past few months have been extremely difficult for me, and I feel that both my friend and I have missed out on being there for each other for many important events.

Having a falling out with a close friend can be emotionally draining, so here are 5 recommendations that helped me and can help many others going through the same process:

Give yourself time to process your emotions and understand the situation

A breakup with a friend can be just as tough as a breakup with a significant other, and it is normal to experience a wide range of emotions. To cope with your emotions, start by giving yourself time to grieve and assess your feelings about the situation so you can come to terms with the reality of losing a friend. During grieving, ask yourself: Are our problems beyond repair? Did they do something unforgivable? What caused this to happen?

Since the breakup with my friend, I have experienced about every emotion possible. I initially tried to brush it off and pretend I did not care. However, as weeks turned into months, I realized I was genuinely hurt by the situation and I missed her. I experienced a range of emotions: jealousy, anger, disappointment, loneliness, and confusion. I cried, A LOT.

It is important to remember that it is okay to feel vulnerable during these situations. You might force yourself to hold in your emotions, but bottling up your feelings is not healthy and it is normal to cry it out. 

Look at the situation from their perspective

Everyone has flaws, even you. Try to be more self-aware and understand you might have been in the wrong too. If you both equally contributed to the falling out, then you cannot throw all the blame on them nor should you hold a grudge. It is better to ask yourself: Why did the friendship end? Should I have tried harder to maintain it? Remember, friendship is a two-way street and it takes two people to communicate.

You should take into consideration how they are feeling. When you lose a close friend, it is likely that they are also experiencing the same or similar emotions as you are. And guess what, she probably misses you just as much as you miss her.

Do NOT make your mutual friends choose a side

I cannot express this one enough. A good friend would NEVER try to put their other friends in an uncomfortable position by forcing them to take a side. This problem involves two people, and no one else. Your mutual friends might be hurting too because they’re conflicted and feel they now have to split their time. Making your friends choose a side will only cause more drama and could ultimately make you lose those friends too. 

When both of you are in the wrong, you must be mature and refrain from speaking negatively about them. In my situation, I know that the girl was and still is an amazing person, so I never could say anything bad about her. Talking crap to your mutual friends puts them in an even more difficult position, and frankly, it will make you look petty.

Make new friends

Moving on is never easy but making new friends can be when you put yourself out there. While you may think that no one will ever compare to your lost friend, surrounding yourself around different people can fill the void and offer you new friendship qualities. Evaluate which qualities you look for in a friendship, then find the courage to expose yourself to new people.

I used to struggle when it came to making friends, and when I was younger, I honestly did not have that many. After my falling out, I decided to put myself back out there because I was tired of feeling left out. I ended up meeting a few girls recently that welcomed me in with open arms and have since become people I could not imagine my life without.

And finally, reach out when you are ready

If you are as stubborn as I am, this will be the hardest part. This requires you to be the bigger person and to take initiative. If you realize that you still want them in your life, start by apologizing or reaching out. If the two of you are still unable to resolve your issues, then at least you know you did everything that you could.

I found myself reaching out many times during the first few months, but I eventually stopped because nothing was changing. We would agree that we both missed each other and wanted to resolve our issues, but after each time I reached out, I never heard from her again. It turned into a never-ending cycle and only caused me more pain. I finally had to accept that when she was ready, she would let me know. 

If the friendship was genuine, remember that this is only temporary. Eventually you will both come around and have the opportunity to discuss the situation, but for now it is going to take some distance. In the meantime, be patient, focus on yourself, and understand that sometimes people change.

10 Must Watch Shows On Netflix

Being a broke college student without cable TV, I’ve been around the Netflix lineup my fair share of times. It’s easy to get caught into the same old, same old shows like Orange is the New Black, Stranger Things or How I Met Your Mother (which if you haven’t watched any of those – stop reading right now and go watch them) and it’s easy to forget that there are actually a lot of good shows out there that people just aren’t talking about. So I’ve went and put together a list of shows that I feel are “must watch” if you need a shake-up in your traditional suggested TV shows.

Sherlock 

9.2/10 IMDb and 91% Rotten Tomatoes

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Many people know or have heard of Sherlock Holmes. This BBC TV series did a great job making this show full of twists and often very funny scenes to keep you totally engrossed while watching. It is brilliantly acted and by far the best iteration of Sherlock Holmes ever to air on TV.

Downsides: Each episode is an hour and a half long so make sure you grab some popcorn because these episodes are basically like a continuous movie.

Jessica Jones

8.2/10 IMDb – No Rotten Tomatoes score

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Everyone seems to be talking about the series “Luke Cage” but I find that not many people know that he was originally introduced in the “Jessica Jones” series! I personally like Jessica Jones over Luke Cage but to each their own. Jessica is a personal investigator who is trying to leave her life as a superhero behind her. Marvel’s Jessica Jones is extremely addicting to watch and a must see in my opinion – if you like Marvel / superhero type stories anyways.

Downsides: None – it’s a great show!

Black Mirror

8.8/10 IMDb and 96% Rotten Tomatoes

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For some reason Netflix has this listed as 3 out of 5 stars but you have to give it a chance. It is seriously such a good series! Each episode is completely different from the next and no episodes are tied together. They are like little movies with new actors and actresses in each episode, chalked full of mind blowing theoretical future technological scenarios in a twisted, Twilight Zone type of way. Trust me, watch one episode and you’ll be hooked.

Downsides: There are only 3 seasons and the first two seasons only have 3 episodes (but the last season has 6! Woohoo) so you might go through them fast.

Shameless (U.S. Version)

8.7/10 IMDb and 92% Rotten Tomatoes

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This was one of those shows that I binged watched all summer long. It’s an honest comedy about an alcoholic father (Frank) who can hardly take care of himself and his family of six children who struggle to keep life going together. Despite the seemingly harsh premise, Shameless is seriously hilarious and it is so easy getting caught up in the Gallagher’s dysfunctional world. Netflix has 6 seasons available so you have plenty of episodes to keep you busy.

Downsides: There is a lot of sex scenes. Like a lot – but you get used to it after a while. Just a heads up haha

Broadchurch

8.4/10 IMDb and 88% Rotten Tomatoes

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Broadchurch is a British television crime drama. The premise is typical of a crime show in the sense that there are two main detectives that are investigating the mysterious murder of a young boy in a small seaside town in England. Give it two episodes and I promise you’ll watch the whole two seasons in no time flat. Make sure to watch the BBC version and not the U.S. version for this one though!

Downsides: Becuase this show is a British TV series, all of the cast have heavy accents making it, at times, hard to hear what they are saying. Not a big deal but still wanted to mention it 🙂

The 100

7.8/10 IMDb and 90% Rotten Tomatoes

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Imagine a Hunger Games meets Divergent meets The Maze – That’s what The 100 is like.  After living in space for three generations due to a nuclear Armageddon that destroys civilization on Earth, the survivors of the international space station start running out of resources. The 100 is all about a group of kids trying to save the human race. If you can get through the first four episodes, you’ll be in it for the long haul.

Downsides: There are only 2 out of 3 seasons available on Netflix so if you really like it, you’ll have to get your fix by some other means online.

Limitless

7.9/10 IMDb and 57% Rotten Tomatoes

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If you have seen and liked the movie Limitless, then you will definitely enjoy this spin-off. Even if you haven’t seen the movie you should definitely give this a watch. Just like the movie, Limitless is about a young man who is down on his luck until he is introduced to a drug that enhances his mental acuity. While the show and movie parallel each other, they are quite different in their story line (although the TV show does a nice job picking up where the movie left off). Oh, and Bradley Cooper, the main character in the movie, makes appearances throughout the show as well which is pretty cool.

Downsides: There is only one season available right now and last I looked, there is no hope of a second season starting anytime soon. With that being said though, season one has 22 episodes and it wraps up pretty good while still keeping a small door open for a potential second season.

Nurse Jackie

7.7/10 IMDb and 84% Rotten Tomatoes

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This is a really easy show to watch. I would typically have it playing in the background while I was getting ready. Nurse Jackie is centered around the chaotic, relentless ER of a busy New York hospital as Jackie maneuvers through her busy work life, one Vicodin pill at a time. It’s a funny and quirky series that will keep you coming back for more.

Parenthood

8.1/10 IMDb and 90% Rotten Tomatoes

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Parenthood is a heartfelt family show with some popular actors and actresses in the cast including Lauren Graham and Dax Shepard. The show features the whole Braverman family tree and follows the ups and downs of four grown siblings as they juggle parenthood, relationships, and their daily lives. All six seasons of the show are available on Netflix and I highly recommend if you are looking for a feel good show!

The Following

7.7/10 IMDb and 55% Rotten Tomatoes

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While this series has the lowest ratings of all the shows on this list, it is still one of my favorites that I felt needed to be included. The Following is a mystery / detective show centered around the hunt for a serial killer who has escaped from death row. This show is full of twists and turns that will keep you wondering and wanting more. Don’t be surprised if you end up misplacing hours of your time while getting engrossed watching.

So there you have it, 10 shows to go watch on Netflix! Hopefully there is one show on this list that you haven’t seen yet that you can add to your queue. Happy watching! 🙂

By: Lauryn Wate – University of Montana student studying Business Marketing

Be the One Everyone Wants to Meet

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By: Lia Sbisa

It’s no secret the power and benefits that networking has to offer. We’ve been told time and time again…or not, that creating a network of influential and successful people is crucial to one’s success. At a networking event, or just in a venue full of people, we all want to have that golden conversation with the biggest name in the room. It’s only natural to feel that the more people that know them, the more people they know. Your network does not stop with that one person, it extends to all of their networks as well.

As young adults making our way into the working world, and even those already well established in the workforce, it is important to make ourselves noticed and be the differentiator that radiates uniqueness. Be the person that everyone wants to network with at an event or even just at a casual get together.

 

  • Get Involved

 

Whether you’re seasoned in your extracurriculars or just starting out, being a part of something other than work or school is a great way to a) network and b) have something to bring to the table in an introductory conversation. The more you do, the more you will relate to a broader audience (not saying overload yourself).

 

  • You do not have to hold the highest or coolest position.

 

The status you hold within a company may help your networking reputation, but it does not solely dictate how marketable your other attributes may be. Just as we learn from those top notch professionals, they learn from us. Any influential being is on the lookout for more up and coming influential beings.

 

  • Take time to learn about your own experiences and learn to talk about them.

 

If you’re a college student or newly entering the workforce, become an expert on your experiences (internships, jobs, campus news, extracurriculars). Networking with older professionals can be intimidating, but much less tricky if you can relate to an experience even on the most minimum level. If you are more established in the workforce, know a little bit about a lot of things. Nothing is more attractive than being able to hold a thoughtful conversation over something that excites your audience, even if it may not be your cup of tea. This goes for anyone and everyone: READ THE NEWS. However you choose to keep up on current events, just do it, or start doing it if you do not. It is okay to admit that you do not know much about a topic, you become more interesting when you’re interested.

 

  • Be interested in who you’re talking to.

 

As previously stated, you become more interesting when you’re interested. Just a rule of thumb (whether you want to admit it or not), everyone loves to talk about themselves. Be able to relate to a few key topics during a conversation (talk about a travel destination that you have in common, ask about the company they work for and how they got to their position). People like you more when they think you like them just as much if not more.

 

  • Initiate a relationship that grows beyond your initial introduction.

 

Do not let the relationship end with the end of a conversation. If the conversation allows, briefly share your goals for your near future and give a rough timeline of where you’ll be in the next few months and express your interest in keeping in touch. Find common ground and set up a time to check in if you have established a relationship that will last longer than just one conversation. Grab a business card and follow up the conversation with an e-mail reminding whoever it is that you enjoyed their time and throw in your favorite topic from that conversation. 

Believe that you are worth meeting. Be interested. Involve yourself in things that you enjoy. Make people believe you’re worth meeting.

5 Reasons Why You Don’t Have Abs and How to Get Them


5 Reasons You Don’t Have Abs

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1: You’re too fat. burn-fat-q_rotator

Problem

Your abs are never going to show if you have too much fat covering them. Start by reading my blog 5 ridiculously easy diet strategies for fat loss. Basically, abs are made in the kitchen. No amount of cardio, crunches, or creatine will give you abs if your diet is shit. Get your diet under control and you will finally see the cuts you’ve been wanting.

5 Ridiculously Easy Strategies for Cutting Body Fat

2: You’re terribly inconsistent.images 

Problem 

Change is hard. That’s true for everything you do. What is the hardest part about change? Sticking to the new change. Whether thats your new workout regimen or your diet consistency is key. You can’t expect to crash diet or hit the gym hard for 3 weeks and look like the next cover of Muscular Development. These people look the way they look because of YEARS in the gym and YEARS doing everything right in the kitchen.

Solution

So, with that said find a workout program that you can reasonable accomplish, and a diet strategy that makes sense of your lifestyle and stick to it. Don’t change for 6, 12, or even 18 weeks. After then, reevaluate. You don’t have to pick the hardest 7 day a week, macro controlled strategy. Even 3 days a week consistently with consistently good eating will show changes. The biggest thing here is just look yourself in the mirror and be realistic. Set SMART goals. Specific, measurable, attainable, realist, and time orientated.

3: You’re doing ‘abs’ too muchunknown

Problem

I have multiple gripes with this one. First off i’m not saying that training the core is bad by any means. It is in fact absolutely necessary. But not amount of extra core work will ever get you abs. In fact, most core work is relatively low intensity and will not burn too many extra calories. Another thing to think about is when you train the musculature with resistance the muscle will grow. Now, for men this isn’t necessarily a bad thing but no women wants a thick mid section even if its full of muscle.

Solution

Instead of trying to pump your abs up like Arnold everyday try thinking about having STRONG abs. A few good exercises are the turkish get up and the kettle bell wind mill. Try doing these in sets of 3-5 reps and get strong. Then spend the rest of your workout doing some HIIT conditioning. I provide some examples below.

4: Your conditioning sucks3c51bb38-2181-48ed-a17d-d4c3099cfd9e-jpg-_cb320658952__sl300__

Problem

Some people like to finish off their workouts with a little extra ab work or some time on the treadmill. I applaud the effort but, this isn’t getting you anywhere fast. Instead, try some HIIT conditioning. I recommend no more than 15 min total work time at the end of strength training days and no more than 30 min total work time on conditioning only days. You can follow this up with some low intensity work on a bike, treadmill, elliptical, etc for a little extra burn if you’d like. Again, the goal here is to get rid of fat so you can show off the muscle you’ve worked so hard for.

A few things to try

Strength day finishers:

Airdyne bike ladder:

Maintain your rpm’s (Beginner 80+ rpm, Intermediate 85+, Advanced 90+, Maniac 100+)

You’re going to want to watch the timer and follow this time pattern:

Work:Rest

15:15

30:30

45:45

60:60

45:45

30:30

15:15

Conditioning Day work sample:

Try and EMOM (Every Minute on the Minute). You start your first set when the clock is at 0. You will end somewhere around 30-35 seconds (hopefully) then take the rest of that minute to rest. Then start on the next full min (1:00) perform the next set, so on and so forth for prescribed time.

25 min EMOM:

5x:

15 Burpee

70 Yard trap bar farmers walk

20 KB Swing

20 Push ups (If push ups aren’t your thing, try substituting mountain climbers for sets of 60)

12 KB Goblet Squats

EMOM’s are a great way to get your heart rate up and get a little extra strength work in at the same time. This will have you reaping the benefits of your workout for a lot longer than the 25 min work time.

If you’re unfamiliar with any of the movements, Youtube is your friend.

5: You’re not lifting heavy enough, often enough.

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No better way to get the fat burning fire started and keep it going all day than with some heavy compounds. Exercises like the squat, bench press, deadlift, and standing barbell overhead press tax the system like no other. Not only do you burn calories while doing theses exercises but the load is so sufficient on your system that it will take your body days to recover. This means the majority of calories in are put towards recovering the body. Not many unused calories to sit around and sore up as fat.

Lifting heavy will allow you to retain muscle mass while you’re getting cut up. More muscle = a higher metabolic rate. What does this mean? You burn more calories while essentially doing nothing. When you lift heavy you are telling your body, I  NEED this muscle and in return your body will retain it. Remember, you need muscle in order to see muscle. Nothing will piss a guy off quicker than having worked his ass off for 6 months to get those golden abs and realize he has no delts, traps, biceps, or quads.

If you can manage 3 strength days/week try this for your heavy stuff:

Monday: Squat 6×4

Wednesday: Bench Press: 5×5

Friday: Deadlift 6×3, OHP 5×5

Follow these exercises up with some assistance work around the same muscle groups.

Granada, Spain’s Top 5 Hidden Treasures

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By Shafer Higgins

Granada is a city located at the base of the famed Sierra Nevada mountain range in southern Spain’s Andalusia region. Founded in the 8th century by the Moors, Granada’s history and culture were shaped by both Muslim and Christian influences which are still palpable today. It contains a dizzying array of medieval architecture and monuments, none more famous than the Alhambra, the behemoth palace of the emirs for centuries and perhaps the best surviving example of Moorish architecture. Walking through many of its neighborhoods can feel like stepping back in time. Very much a student city, in addition to its Old World charm Granada boasts a bustling nightlife and animated culinary culture centered on tapas and the Spanish penchant for staying out until the sun comes up. The saying goes that there are more bars than people in Spain, and choosing the right tapas place or discoteca that line Granada’s meandering cobblestone streets can seem a daunting task. The following, at least, shouldn’t be missed.

  1. ‘El Camborio’

Situated in the steep hills of Granada’s fabled Sacromonte district, nightclub El Camborio’s terrace offers an unbelievable view of the Alhambra. Inconspicuous during the daytime, El Camborio’s facade comes to life around midnight, along with most of Granada’s denizens. Offering reasonably priced drinks and no shortage of Reggaeton music, this nightclub offers an intimate yet lively atmosphere that is a favorite among locals and the myriad international students alike. Word to the wise: walking there can be a treacherous hike from even the nearby Plaza Nueva, built as it is into the steep foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountain range. No cause for concern however; cabs in Granada are cheap, and on certain nights presenting your taxi receipt can gain you free entry. This kills two birds with one stone, and you’ll feel like Studio 54 royalty as you waltz past that winding line out front and up those whitewashed stairs (which should also be treated cautiously; they’ve claimed many casualties coming down).

  1. ‘La Chupiteria’

Referred to affectionately as “Chupi” by its loyal patrons, ‘La Chupiteria’ offers a wide and varied selection of, well, shots. Shots, shots and more shots. Which makes sense, seeing as “chupiteria” translates roughly to “place where shots are sold in nearly unfathomable quantities”. It would be hard to find a more aptly named location, or a more economical one; shots at ‘La Chupiteria’ cost a mere 1 euro, and each comes with “chupi” point which can be collected and redeemed for anything from a shot glass to the much-coveted sweatshirt. It’s gamified drinking, reasonable prices, vibrant atmosphere and seemingly tireless staff have made it a veritable establishment of the Granada nightlife, especially among broke college students (of which Granada has no shortage). But here’s a life hack: should you wish to visit ‘La Chupiteria’, be sure to start your night there, rather than end it there. You may find the reasonable prices too enticing…

  1. ‘Babel’

The word “tapas” may be one of the most difficult Spanish words to translate into English, given its variety of meanings. Sure, the concept is simple enough: a small free snack served alongside every beverage, with the word “free” being used very liberally depending on the location. Expect less and less generosity every kilometer you get away from Granada. It is one of the few cities in Spain to still include the price of the tapa with the drink. Whether or not it’s included, the size and quality will vary. It can be anything from an elaborately cooked paella to a handful of broken potato chips served on a plate. At Babel, you find no such problem. Located on storied Calle Elvira, Babel serves an incredible variety of internationally inspired tapas alongside a decent selection of local microbrews (a rare enough thing to find in Granada). Two drinks will get you the equivalent of a full meal, artfully presented and all. Three may leave you feeling stuffed, but quite satisfied all the same. But be forewarned: it’s typically packed on any given night and you may need to take a few laps before you can get a spot inside. Don’t be put off by having to stand, it’s well worth it.

  1. ‘Sala Vogue’

For those needing a break from the Reggaeton beats (or beat, singular, seemingly identical as all the songs seem after a while), they’d do well to find their respite at Sala Vogue, a subterranean nightclub located in the center of old town. Its set lists cater to those whose tastes tend more towards the indie rock, with a few retro tracks peppered in. Its disco ball, strobe lights and wooden-paneled interiors lend it a casually kitschy vibe well appreciated after a few drink tickets are redeemed and few Franz Ferdinand tracks are played. But it’s not for the early-to-bed, early-to-rise types: it doesn’t open until 1 AM and won’t typically get hopping until around 3. So take your time getting ready and maybe sip a double espresso while you’re at it.

  1. ‘Cafe 4 Gatos’

Speaking of espresso, one thing Granada lacks is a strong coffee culture. Sure, café con leche is pretty ubiquitous (one assumes because of the largely nocturnal hours kept there), but the cult of the coffeehouse so prevalent elsewhere does not appear to be observed in this part of the world. A notable and pleasant exception to this is ‘Café 4 Gatos’. Located in the Albayzin, Granada’s oldest neighborhood which dates back to its Moorish origins, it is well situated among the winding stone alleys. Like much in Granada, getting there is a bit of a climb (a trip to Granada can give new meaning to the phrase “uphill both ways”). But once you’ve taken that first sip of sweet espresso, you’ll have forgotten all about it. The salmon and caper tostada also comes highly recommended. “Cuatro Gatos”, which literally translates to “four cats”, is also a Spanish idiom referring to a small quantity of people. Indeed, the interior contains precious little square footage, but no one will complain about being seated on the terrace, containing as it does a nearly improbable view of the Alhambra palace.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. For a mid-sized city it boasts a seemingly endless supply of bars, restaurants, nightclubs and everything in between. Use of the word “enchanting” would not be overdramatic when describing Granada and the best way to experience these and other hidden gems is to stumble upon them wandering aimlessly through the cities maze-like streets