Going to class could save your ass

*WARNING: graphic image at the end*

April 13, 2018 will be a day that will scar me for the rest of my life, literally.

It was a Friday and for one of my classes I had to attend Wiley & the Wild West, a yodeling show. Yodeling is not a genre that I listen to so it’s safe to say I had no desire to go. Luckily, I was in the class with my good friend Caroline and we braved it together. We stayed for about the first 15 minutes and then snuck out. We hurried to her car in the Adams Center parking lot, I plopped into the passenger seat, and that’s where things went south.

I wasn’t sure what happened but I knew it was bad. Acting on instinct, I jumped out of the car.  I looked down at Caroline’s passenger seat, and there it was – a newly broken wine glass.

I looked down and noticed there were drops of blood on the pavement accompanied by an almost numbing pain in my left buttcheek. I called Caroline over and she confirmed that the wine glass had gouged a reasonably sized hole in my favorite jeans (RIP) and my favorite cheek.

So there I am, draped over the trunk of Caroline’s Kia Forte bleeding all over the gym parking lot while she cleans the glass out of the seat. A truck pulled over and a woman jumped out of the passenger seat to see what was going on.

She looked at my butt and said  “I am an EMT and you’re gonna need to go to the hospital.”

We promptly ignored her professional advice, folded ourselves into the Kia and I actively tried to avoid bleeding on Caroline’s seats on drove home. When we got to my house I took off my jeans, laid on the couch, and gave Caroline some tweezers to search for any leftover glass. She took one look and said, “Yeah, you know… maybe we should go to the hospital”.

I wrapped myself in a towel and off we went to the nearest Cost Care. I told them the story and they couldn’t help but laugh. They soon decided that my injury needed to be handled by the ER.

We arrived at the ER,  where I departed an hour later with 7 stitches and one embarrassing ass story.

For the next 2 weeks I couldn’t fully sit down, and on top of that, I owed Caroline a wine glass. Maybe if I wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to leave and instead learned to appreciate the art of yodeling all could have been avoided.

Moral of the story, look before you sit and don’t skip class kids.

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