It’s Not Me, It’s You

Eight girls every guy should avoid, and every girl should avoid being.

1. The Clinger

When you’re with a girl you either just started dating or who just really cares about you, it’s natural she’ll want to spend a lot of time with you. But there’s a fine line between desire and obsession. While it may be hard to decipher once you’re deep in it, the Clinger quickly becomes easy to spot. To this girl, being the most important thing in your life isn’t good enough; she wants to be the ONLY thing. When you tell her you want a night with the guys, she responds with irrational anger and statements such as “I knew you didn’t care about me!” And you don’t even want to imagine what happens when she finds a picture of you with another girl online. At this point, for your own sake, hopefully you begin to realize that “it’s not me, it’s you.”


2. The Selfie-a-holic

There’s nothing wrong with a girl who likes to show off her swag with the occasional pre-party, or post-workout selfie. But there is a limit. If a full-blown photo shoot must accompany every outfit, and no mirror can be passed by without impromptu documentation of her exaggerated ass and lips, there’s a good chance it’s become an addiction. While you can try to reason with her, there’s no doubt that her constant need for affirmation will have you quickly saying, “it’s not me, it’s you”.

3. The Gym Doll

Whether or not you frequent the gym, at some point you’ve probably come in contact with a “gym-doll”. To this girl the gym isn’t necessarily a place to burn calories and definitely not a place to sweat (She’d much rather maintain her figure through dieting and pills. Besides, sweat makes her makeup melt). Instead the gym is an accessory that helps complete her image as a “sexy, active, young woman.” She typically shows up in very tight, very bright spandex attire and seems to be much more interested in bros and selfies then reps or miles. While her gym shoes may stay forever brand new, your interest in her will quickly begin to wear out. Gym-doll, “it’s not me, it’s you”

4. The Gold-digger

Let’s face it, this girl requires very little introduction. She compliments you on your expensive watch and is extremely interested in what kind of car you drive and where you live. If you’re a guy with a fat wallet it may be fairly easy to get this girl, but just remember; it’ll be just as easy to lose her when your cash flow doesn’t meet her standards. If you’re looking for something more then a quick hookup you’re better off telling this one “it’s not me, it’s you”.

5. The Psycho



Unfortunately, if you have never seen this girl in the context of a relationship she may be very difficult to spot. With the Psycho, what may begin as a little jealousy and some minor distrust very quickly turns into a whirlwind of accusations and threats. You were late picking her up? You’re cheating on her. You have to go to class? You’re cheating on her. You want to break up because she’s crazy? She Tweets and posts on Facebook that you cheated on her. Get the picture? Tell the Psycho “it’s not me, it’s you” (Although you may also want to move and change your phone number as quickly as possible)

6. The Flip-Flopper

When you first meet her, she tells you she’s a vegetarian… that is, until 2am when the taco bell drive through calls her name. “It’s not even real meat,” she says regarding her order of a beefy cheesy burrito, chicken quesadilla and crunch-wrap supreme. No matter how true that may be you begin to see this is a common trend in her life. She’s a hardcore environmentalist, but just HAS to let the car warm up for 30 minutes on chilly days. She hates Wal-Mart (corporations are ruining America, duh) but LOVES her 6 pairs of Nike’s. She changes opinions like underwear and adopts causes like Brangelina adopt children. We’d call it a mid life crisis, but she’s nowhere near the middle of her life. The flip-flopper may keep things interesting, but not the good kind. So if you’re looking for any kind of stability, make up your mind that “it’s not me, it’s you”.

7. The Femen-atic

A feminist should not intimidate men. In fact, the idea that women and men should be treated as equals in all areas of life is a value that everyone can embrace. But the Femen-atic is quite different. After a semester of women’s studies 101, she is convinced that every man is a narrow-minded misogynistic pig. Holding the door open for her isn’t considered chivalrous. It’s demeaning. And should you care to buy her a drink? No chance. Best-case scenario, you’ll get a lecture about how “bar culture perpetuates the inferiority of women”. While this girl may simply be a “flip-flopper” in one of her stages, there’s a good chance you’ve found yourself in the company of a full-fledged “Femen-atic”. Either way, “It’s not me, it’s you”.

8. The Attention-whore

You walk into a room and this girl is the first one to catch your eye. Of course she is, she wouldn’t have it any other way! This type of girl comes in many forms, but there are some consistencies throughout; Attention is like her oxygen. Without it she goes into a state of “attention-deprivation”. This is followed with eventual onslaught of symptoms such as the loud mis-quoting of popular movies, and in some extreme cases the spontaneous removal of clothing. She probably looks damn good but trust me, it’s not just for you. The attention whore is a slave to her own vanity. While she may seem simply “free-spirited” at first, it will eventually become clear that she is in a never-ending competition with the world. I’m sorry Attention-whore, until you start to care about more then watching people watch you, “It’s not me, It’s you”.