Life During and After Finals

The difference in the fullness of your plate during finals and after finals is so vast, it can leave you wondering how the same brain functions in both worlds.

1. During finals, each minute of your day is so crammed with tasks that you begin to question the logic of final exams altogether, wondering what spawn of Satan came up with saving all your hardest tests for the same week.

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After finals, your agenda is suddenly empty and you instead spend your time staring into your dog’s eyes and wondering what it thinks about all day.

2. During finals, your stress level propels you to wake up two hours early so you can get a start on three different study guides.

After finals, you allow the entire day to pass by before you tackle your one goal of the day: empty the dishwasher.

3. During finals, the thought of taking part in necessary life tasks like eating, sleeping, and exercising is purely comical.

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After finals, your day is centered on these activities and usually drawn out to fill the absolute maximum amount of time.

4. During finals, your brain is overwhelmed with equations, theses, and concepts, and you can’t spare any space for thoughts regarding actual life.

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After finals, you have so much time to self reflect that you begin to figure out exactly what went wrong in all your past relationships—then promptly deny it.

5. During finals, your laptop is huffing and puffing after hours of writing essays and lab reports.

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After finals, its doing the same thing except from exploring Pinterest and finally adding Facebook photos from homecoming week.

6. During finals, the concept of even brushing your hair in the morning seems unnecessary.

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After finals, you see that selfie you took at the library studying and vow to always have a comb on hand.

7. During finals, the thought of putting on a real pair of pants sounds more unappealing than getting your legs waxed.

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After finals, your body still craves the loose fit and snuggly feel of your sweat pants. Unfortunately after finals week the ‘just rolled out of bed look’ is no longer acceptable and will only be seen as lazy.

8. During finals, coffee basically replaces the blood in your veins as you pray to God that just one more espresso shot will keep you awake without sending your heart into cardiac arrest.

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After finals, you measure the value of your coffee on flavor and feelings of serenity rather than the amount of energy in gives you.

9. During finals, lack of sleep can lead to extreme sensitivity. You find yourself wanting to punch your roommate over not washing the dishes or about to cry when you can’t find a synonym for perturbed.

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After finals, your brain is restored by adequate, if not an overly excessive, amount of sleep. You find yourself feeling balanced, energized, and ready for any emotional challenge so you devote hours of your time to talk to your BFF about everything that was wrong with her ex boyfriend.

10. During finals, almost everything you encounter becomes a distraction. Did you notice how the clouds move when it’s windy? Wow, my pen is very shiny! Have my toes always been this asymmetrical?

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After finals, meager life occurrences are much less significant. The symmetry of your toes just doesn’t seem significant and who has time to admire the clouds when you’re about to beat another level of Candy Crush?

11. During finals, your perception for anything else other than studying reaches Adrian Monk status. You begin to notice how the crumbs collect behind your refrigerator, how you never replied to your aunt’s email, and how the mole on your back is most likely cancer.

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After finals, your brain isn’t searching for anything to take you away from studying, resulting in the return of your normal perception skills: not noticing you put the jelly in the pantry and the peanut butter in the refrigerator.

12. During finals, visiting Qdoba two times in one day is a must. Queso always gives you the best ideas.

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After finals, visiting Qdoba two times in one day may not be a must, but is still acceptable. Queso is always a good idea.

13. During finals, you want to kick yourself for not paying attention in class. You wonder how you managed to daydream during 3 hours of class per week.

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After finals, this anger disappears and you begin your new classes by practicing your signature hundreds of times and pondering how Jesus was Jewish. As you always say, that’s Future [insert name here]’s problem.