Crunchy vs Creamy: My Peanut Butter Manifesto

There are many great debates in our society: Coke or Pepsi, Democrat or Republican, what color was the dress, and is Matthew McConaughey a good actor; but no debate has more impact on society’s direction than the great crunchy vs creamy peanut butter debate.  I am here today to settle that debate once and for all, so that we can move onto other, less pressing, issues that face us.

The first point creamy enthusiasts will point out, is that it’s easier to spread than crunchy.  In other words: they are lazy and lack the skill required to properly spread crunchy’s goodness.  Why would you want peanut butter to be the same consistency as regular butter?  A jar of peanut butter is no Land O’Lakes. I will not need to spread this in a paper-thin layer and expect it to melt into a surface to saturate it with peanut-ness. Peanut butter stands on top. You want it to have girth, body, volume and stature.  You want that peanut butter to be like a firm handshake, not some limp wristed, noodle like excuse for a handshake.  It’s that heartiness that endeared America to the peanut in the first place. By churning it into a creamy butter, you’re basically cutting off its nuts.  Which brings me to my next point: it’s called PEANUT butter.  How can you call something PEANUT butter and not have any PEANUTS in it? Peanut butter without nuts isn’t real peanut butter, it’s peanut flavored paste.

The most common use of peanut butter is in the famous PB&J sandwich.  In this magical paring, the jelly serves as the smooth substance.  You need something with substance to properly compliment the jelly.  A creamy PB&J is just a mush-mouth sandwich.  Just thinking of the texture derived from that blasphemous combination makes me want to gag.

According to the National Peanut Board, an offshoot communist group remaining from the days of the USSR, 60% of Americans prefer creamy to crunchy.  This cannot stand! As crunchy enthusiasts, we need to take it upon ourselves to evangelize the superiority of crunchy peanut butter.  If we can come together as a people and realize how much better crunchy is, just imagine the feats we could accomplish. Peace in the Middle East? Done. Colonizing Mars? Easy. Literally nothing is out of our reach if everyone can agree that creamy peanut butter has no place in society.  Together, we can make crunchy peanut butter great again!

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6 Replies to “Crunchy vs Creamy: My Peanut Butter Manifesto”

  1. I’m with you! Crunch peanut butter is perfection in a jar. It works fabulously within celery… smooth just won’t do.

  2. I very much enjoyed your post and the topic that it goes over. The cover photo worked well with the post, but a couple visuals throughout may have been a good addition? I like the conclusion and how you say that everything will be easier once we figure out that crunchy is better as a nation. I do wish that the introduction paragraph ended with a clear picture of which type of peanut butter the article was in favor of, but overall, I think the blog post was well thought through and had a great subject.

  3. I really liked your post. The first time I read it, it definitely made me laugh and was something that almost everyone can relate to. Adding the cover photo was a really good addition to your post as well as changing your title, I think it helped draw people in. I really liked how you started off the beginning of the blog with a bunch of different debates like coke or pepsi. It helped grab peoples attention and gave them momentum throughout the blog. I think having your opinion of what peanut butter you were in favor of in the first paragraph would have been a great addition. Overall I thought your post was great and well thought out.

  4. Nice post! I really didn’t think about which one I like but I bought creamy every time. I know, there are too many choices people need to make everyday and those choices effect our life. People always think about which side they need to stand but forget to make choice that closest to their life. Is that too deep? Just what I think when I am eating a piece of bread with strawberry jam on it. Do you like strawberry jam with real strawberry in it or not?

  5. I really enjoyed this post! I thought your use of humor was excellent and was consistent throughout the piece. Altering the title and adding the image really helped tie the entire post together and will definitely draw more clicks too. I think a stronger main point could have been incorporated into the introduction to help establish the direction of the piece a little more intently. Also you mentioned the first point creamy enthusiasts use to argue their case but don’t really mention any other points from their perspective. Changing the way you phrase that sentence or adding other arguments from the creamy enthusiast’s point of view would definitely create a stronger structure throughout this post. But other than that I thought you did a fantastic job! I really enjoyed reading your post.

  6. This was such a fun post to read! Your voice really prevails in it, and it’s a clever topic. I would have never thought about it. It is definitely clear that you prefer crunchy to creamy peanut butter, but it would have been interesting to have both points of view on the matter. It’s always fun when there are two sides clearly presented! The main picture chosen to represent your blog is PERFECT! I loved it. If this came across my news feed I would definitely share it because it’s fun to discuss with friends.. maybe a little rivalry too! Great job!

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