For many people, happiness is the ultimate goal of their existence whereas for some others is considered to be an elusive success. But why it’s so hard for us to get rid of negative thoughts that might keep us back, preventing us from developing further our inner skills?
Through this short article we will attempt to figure out which are the 4 primary bad habits which contribute negatively to our mentality getting us older faster than anything else.
Live according to others’ indications
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
Bernard M. Baruch, American philanthropist
Parents, friends, colleagues and other favourite or not persons, directly or indirectly, pressure or push you to comply to or follow a specific way of thinking, behaving and making decisions. That does not mean that these people hate you. They just have different expectations for you and try to give advice by indicating you what’s right and what’s wrong. You should take into serious consideration that you are the only one who has the authority to indicate what action you will take in any situation you get involved. If these people really care for you then, they will accept and respect your choices without questioning or dissuading you.
Resist to change
“Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.”
Confucius, Chinese philosopher
Changes occur every day in your ordinary life affecting you in various ways. Changes, for instance in the workplace, are often irrevocable and in case you decide to resist, your life will get tougher and at some point unmanageable. The best possible way to accept smoothly all these changes is to be fearless towards them and stay flexible adapting your life accordingly. Keep in mind that there will be changes that will surprise you; others that will make you feel mixed emotions and a lot more which will have a positive impact on you. It goes without question, be open to changes.
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.”
Paulo Coelho, Brazilian novelist
As human beings we have the predisposition to criticize behaviours, situations and people themselves. Nobody is perfect and you know that. It’s worth trying to focus on how to improve your weaknesses as these efforts will distinguish you as a person and personality towards the others. Having that in mind you will stop judging other people’s lives, behaviours or achievements and aim on the goals that really matter for you.
Blame yourself for every personal failure
“The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.”
Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor
Successes and failures are part of our lives. We succeed or fail when we sit for an exam at the school or university, when we submit a project or research to a professor or employer, when we nurture our children and a lot more examples. Do not blame yourself for mistakes you’ve done in the past or failures you’ve been through and not overthink of them because you will probably end up wasting your brain power and energy on underestimating your capabilities and hurting yourself.
If you have been following us at Unbelievably, then you know that we are a University of Montana classroom full of young bucks and does. There has not been a poll, but I would be willing to bet that the mean age is around 24 years. Allow me to take this opportunity, as the token “old” person, to clue you in to a few things that may be coming your way as you get older.
After 30,everything hurts more. From stubbing your toes, to working out at the gym, you will just hurt more. You will get used to it, trust me.
After 30, it will be harder to maintain your weight. The foods you enjoy the most will now cling to your sides, like a child clinging to its mother. You will either have to work harder to lose it, or accept your new, fluffier self.
After 30, sleep will take precedence above going out. There will still be times you like to go out, but it won’t be the production it used to be. In the cost/benefit analysis, sleep will almost always beat anything else. When you do go out, it will be fun to look around and try to figure out if you are the oldest person there.
After 30, college is more difficult. Your future self is thanking you for getting this over with right now. When you are an older student, you are plagued by the constant references make by instructors who are younger than you about your generation. No, my generation was the tail end of Generation X, not the tech-savvy, self-entitled one so often referenced in the media. Some professors will patronize you with “life lessons” that you learned ten years ago. Especially the “life’s not fair” lesson.
After 30, it will become difficult to relate to people who are twenty-five or younger. You won’t watch the same shows, know the same songs, or use the same social media outlet. I love being around people that age, but small talk is almost impossible. Heck, I still watch Seinfeld. I still say “heck.
After 30, you are expected by society to be at a certain place in your life. If you are not, you will be judged harshly. Not married? No kids? Don’t own your own house? Don’t have an “adult” job, free of name tags and hair-nets? You will be judged as a person who is immature and cannot handle responsibility, not a person free of the demands of modern materialism.
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After 30, birthdays are just silly. Honestly, I can’t remember the last birthday present I ever got. I usually just look for who remembered me on Facebook, and fill up a growler or two.
After 30, you will struggle to keep up with trends in everything. You are no longer the demographic of choice, because you no longer have the highest lifetime value. Ads are not pointed at you, and it is just too much effort to keep up with all the new music, hairstyles, cultural trends, and hot new phrases. At your age, you have enough to remember.
After 30, there are rules. No more tattoos, no more spiked hair, and remember, certain outfits are no longer appropriate at your age. No more tank tops for you fellas, and for you ladies, no more miniskirts.
After 30, you will not have the same number of friends you have now. Everyone is just too busy for you. You will settle for few, carefully-planned visits with people you really care about, people who are worthy of your time and are who are loyal.
After 30, the personality you have is stable. This is what you have to work with, like it or not. It becomes more difficult to change, and you grow to find comfort in habits and routines. This includes beliefs. It is a good idea to challenge them from time to time, to see if you really are on the ethical path.
After 30, you will see the things you loved as a kid, and what you were into as a teen, get rebooted as something “retro” or “classic.” I saw a girl wearing a hoodie with the number “1979” on it. The year I was born. I still don’t understand why anyone wears clothing with dates on it. You will see all your favorite toys, shows, and movies reappear as new movies, toys, and t-shirts. You will cringe the first time you hear your favorite song from freshman year on the “oldies” station.
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After 30, if you are still lucky enough to have your grandparents alive and well, you will be in the minority. This is the beginning of the losses you will have in your life, for most of you. I won’t tell you to get used to it, because you won’t. I lost my last grandparent almost twenty years ago, and I still think of her every day.
After 30, your body will not work the same way. You will be slower, you won’t be able to learn things as quickly, and will sometimes even feel betrayed. It might be helpful to re-interpret your body as something to take care of, put the correct fuel into, and accept its imperfections. Appreciate all the amazing things it can do, and above all, recognize that only 150 years ago, people usually only made it to 49 years old.
After 30, you will notice, ahem, physical changes. Spider veins, cellulite, gray hair, losing hair, hair in unexpected places, and painful joints. You won’t be able to tolerate temperature changes as easily, and you won’t have the stamina you used to have. There will be wrinkles. Sun spots will appear for those who tan. Try to accept it. You can’t really stop it. Take a good look at your parents, because you will probably age the same way that they do.
After 30, you realize that time is limited. You begin to waste it less, and value it more. Human perception of time speeds as age increases. Time will literally just fly by.
After 30, you will realize just how annoying you were at 16. The things you thought were so cool really aren’t. Never watch your favorite show you liked as a teen, because it will be forever ruined. Nothing is more uncomfortable than watching Saved By The Bell for me. Why did I think it was so funny?
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After 30, you realize just how cool your parents are. You appreciate who they are and what they have done for you. Their annoying behaviors will become funny stories you can bank for later recollections. You might even get a little teary-eyed when you see older photos of them, before they had the glasses and gray hair, before they joined AARP.
After 30, you will have different perspectives on what the younger stages of your life were like. You will begin to glorify them. You will re-imagine “good ‘ol days”, leaving out the bad parts. When I catch myself doing this, I just remember that they may have been good ‘ol days for me, but only because I was six and unaware of the situation. They weren’t good ‘ol days for my folks.
After 30, you will assume that people in their twenties don’t know what they are talking about. It is important to remember that these are people who deserve respect. They may talk about things they don’t know about, but you did that then, didn’t you? Maybe you should listen once in a while, you could learn something from them, in between all the “actually’s” and “likes.”
After 30, you will look in the mirror and see your mom or dad. You will hear their voices when you speak. You will even have some of the same mannerisms and quirks.
After 30, you will prefer quiet over noise. It is easier to sleep when it’s quiet.
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After 30, you will see the value in not always having the last word in arguments. Maybe.
After 30, especially for you ladies, you need to think about what your plans are in the realm of children. Don’t be pressured into having them just to appease some family member. Also, do not get married for that reason. It is time to be honest and realistic with yourself. That “someday” you talked about as a twenty-something has a limited shelf-life.
After 30, it hits you that in ten years, you are a legally protected status. No one can discriminate against you based on age at 40 and older, according to federal law. (In Montana, though, no one can ever discriminate based on age, young or old.)
After 30, the carnival rides aren’t so fun anymore.
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After 30, the things that you thought were boring when you were younger are nice and relaxing
After 30, you will worry more about cancer. You will have known someone who has it by this time, and it is no longer something that can’t happen to you.
After 30, you will adore your siblings. Your differences will be something that makes you smile to yourself.
After 30, you still won’t grow out of that feeling, every once in a while, that you are alone in the universe, no one understands you, and you are a social misfit.There will still be times that you will say something that would have been witty ten years ago, but isn’t anymore, followed by an eye roll and an obvious echo. But now that you are 30, you let it go and don’t waste energy on getting upset about it. Waste not, want not.
This won’t be true for everyone. Maybe your generation will figure out how to get rid of grays or wrinkles, or be brave enough to continue getting tattoos. This is just my experience as a person of 35 years, taking this class with you all. Thanks for being a part of my learning experience, and I wish all of you the best for your future!