What Losing Friends Has Taught Me

By Gianna Pagano

My Sophomore year of college I met a girl and we instantly connected on so many levels. From that moment forward we became best friends and we were practically inseparable. We did everything together, and I literally mean everything. She was the person that I looked up to for advice on family, friendships, boyfriends, and even academics. Not only was she nice, but she was smart, loyal, spontaneous, hilarious, and most important, she always supported me whenever I needed her.

As we get older and mature into who we decide to become, we often grow out of friendships or lose touch with them. A lot of the times these falling outs can be completely unintentional. Whether we get busy with school, work, family, new relationships, or we simply just change, the truth is that this is just the reality of life. 

I’m sure many of you have experienced something similar, and you can relate that it isn’t easy. There was never an argument or a huge fight that ended our friendship, we simply had a falling out. The past few months have been extremely difficult for me, and I feel that both my friend and I have missed out on being there for each other for many important events.

Having a falling out with a close friend can be emotionally draining, so here are 5 recommendations that helped me and can help many others going through the same process:

Give yourself time to process your emotions and understand the situation

A breakup with a friend can be just as tough as a breakup with a significant other, and it is normal to experience a wide range of emotions. To cope with your emotions, start by giving yourself time to grieve and assess your feelings about the situation so you can come to terms with the reality of losing a friend. During grieving, ask yourself: Are our problems beyond repair? Did they do something unforgivable? What caused this to happen?

Since the breakup with my friend, I have experienced about every emotion possible. I initially tried to brush it off and pretend I did not care. However, as weeks turned into months, I realized I was genuinely hurt by the situation and I missed her. I experienced a range of emotions: jealousy, anger, disappointment, loneliness, and confusion. I cried, A LOT.

It is important to remember that it is okay to feel vulnerable during these situations. You might force yourself to hold in your emotions, but bottling up your feelings is not healthy and it is normal to cry it out. 

Look at the situation from their perspective

Everyone has flaws, even you. Try to be more self-aware and understand you might have been in the wrong too. If you both equally contributed to the falling out, then you cannot throw all the blame on them nor should you hold a grudge. It is better to ask yourself: Why did the friendship end? Should I have tried harder to maintain it? Remember, friendship is a two-way street and it takes two people to communicate.

You should take into consideration how they are feeling. When you lose a close friend, it is likely that they are also experiencing the same or similar emotions as you are. And guess what, she probably misses you just as much as you miss her.

Do NOT make your mutual friends choose a side

I cannot express this one enough. A good friend would NEVER try to put their other friends in an uncomfortable position by forcing them to take a side. This problem involves two people, and no one else. Your mutual friends might be hurting too because they’re conflicted and feel they now have to split their time. Making your friends choose a side will only cause more drama and could ultimately make you lose those friends too. 

When both of you are in the wrong, you must be mature and refrain from speaking negatively about them. In my situation, I know that the girl was and still is an amazing person, so I never could say anything bad about her. Talking crap to your mutual friends puts them in an even more difficult position, and frankly, it will make you look petty.

Make new friends

Moving on is never easy but making new friends can be when you put yourself out there. While you may think that no one will ever compare to your lost friend, surrounding yourself around different people can fill the void and offer you new friendship qualities. Evaluate which qualities you look for in a friendship, then find the courage to expose yourself to new people.

I used to struggle when it came to making friends, and when I was younger, I honestly did not have that many. After my falling out, I decided to put myself back out there because I was tired of feeling left out. I ended up meeting a few girls recently that welcomed me in with open arms and have since become people I could not imagine my life without.

And finally, reach out when you are ready

If you are as stubborn as I am, this will be the hardest part. This requires you to be the bigger person and to take initiative. If you realize that you still want them in your life, start by apologizing or reaching out. If the two of you are still unable to resolve your issues, then at least you know you did everything that you could.

I found myself reaching out many times during the first few months, but I eventually stopped because nothing was changing. We would agree that we both missed each other and wanted to resolve our issues, but after each time I reached out, I never heard from her again. It turned into a never-ending cycle and only caused me more pain. I finally had to accept that when she was ready, she would let me know. 

If the friendship was genuine, remember that this is only temporary. Eventually you will both come around and have the opportunity to discuss the situation, but for now it is going to take some distance. In the meantime, be patient, focus on yourself, and understand that sometimes people change.

Friends: Reason, Season and Lifetime

Disclaimer : In third grade I had to write a book. My book was about a secret pencil. I think it was magic. In my book, which we had to read aloud in class, I loaned my magic pencil to one of my new friends. This did not go over well when my BFF listened to my story. She was probably mad at me for the rest of the day. In third grade, all day felt like an eternity. That being said, I will not use real names in case one of my friends reads this and refuses to talk to me until the end of the day.

Being a friend means so many things to many different people. Someone once shared a quote with me about the three types of friends.

“We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a life time.”

Setting the stage; I live a nomadic lifestyle and one of the benefits is having friends scattered around the country. However, not all of these friends make it into the “friends for a lifetime” category.

For example, I shared an instantaneous connection with one friend, Sally. We were inseparable for about three months. Our friendship was so strong because of our personal situations and its convenience. When both of these variables changed, we stopped talking for a while and when we did talk, it was as though we had nothing in common. I had a hard time understanding why we started to fall apart. This is when a good friend of mine shared the quote with me. The quote allowed me to understand a little better. We were friends for a reason. We both needed someone to connect with during a frustrating time and it was easy for us to be there for each other.

Some friends are more seasonal. For example, these types of friends have a really good bond for one season, then the season changes and you are not really sure if you will see each other again. I spent a summer working with a group of really great individuals and had a lot of fun. We celebrated the fourth of July and threw a big party when the experience was over. They will always be good friends, and for that summer they were my best friends. However, when the summer ended the regular conversation starts to fade. I still know what they are up to, thanks to social media, but I don’t regularly connect and we may never hang out again.

Then, you’ve got the friends for a lifetime. They are the friends you have known for a while, or maybe only a couple years but the bond you share will last a lifetime. They are the friends that no matter how long it has been since you have spoken to each other, or have seen each other, you know they are always there and always will be. I am fortunate to feel like I have a lot of these friends. We may not see each other all of the time, or talk on the phone but we still chat every once and while. It is these friends that have become my sisters, brothers and maybe one day I will become an honorary aunt.
There is nothing I would do to trade the people I have met even if they are in my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

10 Struggles Every College Senior Knows to Be True

By Katie Sears


It’s that time of year: College graduation. For three and half years all you’ve wanted to do is get as far away from campus and school-related responsibilities as possible;  now you’re crying yourself to sleep worried that the ‘real world’ might be a little bit too real for you. Staying focused in school while simultaneously trying to figure out the rest of your life seems damn near impossible, and no amount of ‘You can do it!’s from mom will help.

If it makes you feel any better, we’re all in the same rickety boat.


  1. Finding a job is a Catch 22.
    You’re trying to find a job so that you can make money, but you need money to get to the job. Moving out, storing your stuff, and finding a new place to live all require a significant amount of cash..cash that you probably should have started saving as a freshman, but instead blew on BeatsByDre headphones and 3am Taco Bell runs.
    confused
  2.  Student loans have to be paid back. Like, now.
    Financial aid is great while you’re in school, but the day you graduate marks the day you will forever be indebted to the government and to your university.
    bullcrap
  3. You realize you may never, ever see your college friends again.
    It seems like everyone you know is moving to a far-away state, country or continent. The friendships you’ve fostered over the last four years will abruptly end, and it’s one of the saddest things about being a senior.
    cryingg
  4. Senioritis.
    Imagine the senioritis you felt in high school and multiply it by ten million. Then add 40. I wouldn’t wish the last five weeks of senior semester on my worst enemy.
    living life
  5. Final Exams.I’m not just talking about the exams during finals week that cover the last semester; I’m talking about CapStone classes, major field tests and other exams that will likely determine the rest of your life, like the MCAT, PCAT and the bar exam. It’s even worse when the test costs money. I thought paying to take a test in a classroom was called tuition?
    hate everything
  1. Not being confident about your degree.
    That moment you realize you actually hate your degree and it’s not what you really want to do. And then the moment you realize you are really passionate about your degree and don’t want to work in any other field. The daily back-and-forth is exhausting.
    exhausting
  1. You have a lot of stuff. And only one car.
    While you’ve spent the last three years decorating your home to better resemble the one you left behind, you never really considered the massive amount of space these things take up. Combine that with the fact that you only have one car, and moving becomes a lot more daunting than it already was.
    imdone
  2. Your dream job most likely won’t be your first job.
    You start accepting that your dream of changing the world and becoming one of Forbes’ 40 under 40 might have to wait a couple of years. Suddenly, just being an assistant doesn’t sound so bad if it means you’ll have a paycheck at the end of the month.
    pay day pickitup
  1. Time is running out.
    There are still a million things you haven’t done on campus/in town/ in your state and suddenly you want -no NEED- to do all of them, like that popular hike you passed up on because you were hungover or that weird restaurant that sells avocado-flavored ice cream. FOMO starts to seriously set in at this point.
    nap
  1. We see articles like this:
    Why Millenials Have a Tough Time Landing Jobs – CNBC
    Millenials Have Nothing to Celebrate When it Comes to Employment – Forbes
    40% of Unevmployed Workers are Millenials – MarketWatch
    drinking

All. The. Time.