Top 10 Traits Of A Terrible DJ

Let’s face the facts, we’ve all been out having the night of our lives only to have it interrupted by a beat-mashing menace on a personal mission to make his night better than yours.  Speaking from years of experience both as a DJ and party-goer, I decided to make a list of the top 10 most infuriating, obnoxious, and annoying things that your favorite bedroom DJ does.

10.  Bragging About How “You Killed Your Set”

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Even though the 6 people that were in the bar liked a handful of your songs, maybe tuck the nights accomplishments under your hat and exit quietly.  We’ve all had an awesome night with a few hundred people somewhere, but let’s be honest not every night is a winner.

9. Catching “Scratch Fever”

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Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to technical scratching that adds rhythm, style, and a little flare to a great DJ set I’m all for it.  But for the other 99.4% of DJ’s that think every song needs a collection of their best crab walks and cut scratches, it doesn’t.  It’s time to deal with the fact that it’s very possible your Grandma is the only person who likes your “style.”

8. Texting And Spinning

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We all know how dangerous texting and driving is….playing music for a large crowd of energetic twenty-somethings while firing off selfies or pictures of the “packed club” is just as bad.  Although it might not initially seem to be dangerous, fists will fly if the young man with the neon fanny pack doesn’t get his shout out because you’re too busy updating your Soundlcloud with your latest remix of “Summertime Sadness.”

7. Magical Mixing

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Although new Ibiza resident DJ Paris Hilton might not see anything wrong with this picture, I can assure you there’s a few things missing…..including power, audio connections, and talent. I TOTALLY agree that this guy looks really cool slamming faders and twisting knobs, but I think I would prefer the real thing.

6. Train-Wrecking

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I can’t speak for everyone, but when I think of listening to a DJ I picture a smooth blend of music with clean transitions and a little bit of clever mixing to make things interesting.  What I don’t picture is hearing someone diving from Garth Brooks into Knife Party or dropping the tempo 100bpm so he can hear his favorite 90’s hip hop after an hour long run of dubstep.  There’s a reason you spent $2000 on that mixer, give it a try.

5. The Shirtless DJ

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Have you ever gotten a little bit more than you bargained for?  Me too.  One of my least favorite things is watching a DJ try and whip a crowd of 9 into a frenzy by peeling off layers of clothing and sweating into the crowd.  I’m sure there’s a time and a place for it, maybe Vegas or a pool party?  But I really doubt the high school kids that asked you to play their blacklight party want to see your choice in boxers for the evening.  Remember, this was supposed to be a “benefit show” not a nightmare.

4. And The Beat Goes On…..And On……And On

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If I wanted to hear the same 7 songs I’d sit in my car and turn on the radio.  Although I sadly agree that sometimes a Pitbull anthem is a fun singalong or Lady Gaga is a no brainer for the bachelorette party in the back of the room, I came to hear something new and creative.  I know you have 17 remixes of “Levels” and they all sound equally cool, but would you mind if I made a request?  Play something different.

3. The Sound Effect Killer

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Ever had one of those moments in a club where you’re dancing, having fun, and talking with a new friend, only to have it rudely interrupted by what sounds like gun shots or a train driving through the dance floor?  Remember genius, every time you touch your favorite sound effect button, it’s mildly amplified by the 10,000 watt sound system you’re plugged into.  Things are slightly louder here at ground 0 than they are in your DJ booth, no matter how loud your headphones might be.

2. The Mixtape Master

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We love your music, but there’s a catch.  We didn’t come to hear you yell over every song about how “poppin” the place is, or how “not ready” we are for this next track. Believe it or not, I haven’t found a time in my life where a song came on and I had to leave because I couldn’t handle how AWESOME it was.  There’s nothing wrong with hyping a crowd, but remember, you can talk to yourself anytime during the day.

1. The Sloppy Drunk

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We’ve all had too much fun at some point in our lives, but how many of us do it on a nightly basis for work?  There’s  such a fine line between having a good time, and sucking down 16 Red Bull vodkas before collapsing in a heap next to your monitor.  Drunk DJ-ing can lead to a host of problems from poor song selection to projectile vomiting, and substantially worse ideas like allowing other people to handle your new laptop.  Rule of thumb, maybe mix in a water between those shots so you can make it until at least 9:30.

 

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