After an unexpected phone call with the president of Mexico over the weekend, POTUS Donald Trump claimed victory once again in his quest to make America great again by coming to an agreement that benefits both countries. “The Wall” as it is commonly known, will be constructed and financed by Mexican citizens seeking to enter a country that isn’t great yet, but promised to be so soon.
The terms of the agreement include Trump using American labor and American steel to create a casino wall lined with slot machines. Those seeking to enter will have to “play to stay,” using slot machines constructed using American steel from one of Trump’s companies, commissioned by Trump himself. Alistair Bernhard, a former student of Trump University and currently on visa from England, had this to say about the arrangement: “Gambling is great. I love gambling. The chance to gamble for citizenship in this soon to be great country is what everyone should dream of. He’s getting rid of accessible healthcare for everyone. Do you know how annoying it is to be given affordable healthcare and never use it? Anyway, the real threat is on the Canadian border. We should build a wall there. They have affordable healthcare, and we know how bad that is for a country.”
The decision to use Trump’s branded casinos comes with a bit of confusion, however. In line with his rule to dismantle two regulations for every one created, he has decided to dismantle two that he created. Trump will be removing the visa application process and removing the current ban on several Muslim countries, so that anyone visiting “The Wall” can use his slot machines. He expressed his excitement for the ensuing construction with this statement, “The Wall is going to be great. It’s going to be so great that Americans are going to want to see how great it is. It’s going to be built so greatly you’re going to want to see how great it looks like on Mexico’s side.”
We already want to be on the other side, Donald.