You spent all night downing booze and creating killer memories that you don’t actually remember. Whether you were “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” or “Droppin’ it like it was hot” , it’s safe to say you were quite inebriated and it was simply swell. What’s not so swell- it’s Saturday morning and your head is killing you. Chances are if you’re reading this right now the words on the screen might make you a little woozy… so I’ll get right down to the guts of it (whoops, sorry, bad word choice).
Two Ibuprofen and a Gatorade
Maybe last night you were the cool kid offering shots of Jack Daniels to all your homies… but today you’re definitely drinking the Hatorade. You should be given props for simply getting up today. Caution to the people who walk past you, no matter their expression – a look of concern or a smug grin – you might just punch them in the face. Calm down jock strap, maybe later you’ll have time to take a nap, but for now head down and nose to the grind stone.
A helpful alternative? Try drinking coconut water instead. It’s packed with electrolytes those sweet, sweet little saviors. Coconut water has the potassium of four bananas, is cholesterol free, and extremely hydrating.
Do you often take runs after binge drinking escapades?
You’re an overachiever. From us to you: Stop. You’re making us look bad. Just go back to bed and writhe in pain like the rest of us mere mortals. Beware when using this method! If you’re not properly hydrating you could actually be hurting more than helping.
Instead, bring your water bottle on a light jog. No one’s racing you; what are you trying to prove?
The Ritual
You have your hangover cure set in stone. Maybe it’s a six-inch Veggie sub and a TCBY frozen yogurt. Maybe it’s a cup of tea, a cheesy beef burrito and a Pain Aid. Whatever that weirdly magical combination is, you’ll be good as new. You swear by it. You need it. If you don’t have it, game over. Well done, grasshopper, to thine self be true.
Hair of the Dog that Bit You
Sure you might be giving your body more toxins to deal with-delaying a worse hangover in the future… but like the procrastination star you are, just hold that off as long as possible. In fact you may as well just drink all day too. Let that lukewarm Bud Light wrap it’s reassuring arms around you and get cozy in front of the TV – you’re not going anywhere.
That Greasy Fix
If only you’d eaten them before you downed all those gin and tonics… There isn’t any actual evidence that proves bacon and eggs for breakfast or a large order of fries can help cure your hangover. But hey man, whatever helps you sleep at night.
Big Gulps
There are those whose “stand by” is a cold Coca-Cola, those who prefer coffee and better yet those who down a Red Bull. These are the quenchers seeking immediate gratification when they wake up after their long night on the town. To these folks I say, “good luck”. Like a sugar rush, this form of hangover cure is doubtful to last very long and will leave your body extremely dehydrated.
Might I suggest copious, extraordinary amounts of water or perhaps a glass of flat Ginger Ale to soothe your stomach instead.
Like it was a bad dream:
Sleep it off. Sleep is the most effective and only proven cure of a hangover. If you’re lucky enough to catch a couple extra z’s today, do so.
Hint: Morgan Freeman’s voice will forever be a good idea to help soothe you to sleep. Pop Shawshank in the DVD player and let his voice do it’s magic.
Moderation…
Last night you thought to yourself, “I’ll let my future self deal with it.” Today, future self thinks you’re an asshole. So I should probably throw this one in there just to be safe… maybe… just possibly… you could drink more responsibly next time? In moderation perhaps. Drinking a glass of water between shots of tequila doesn’t make you a pussy, it makes you a smart pussy. So plan ahead and save your future self.
